When we first met at the stroke of midnight, my best friends and I welcomed you into the world with optimism, joy, and a live performance of Britney Spears' 'Toxic' on Dick Clark's New Year's Eve party. From that moment on, I really wanted to believe you'd be a chance to make all my future plans finally come true.

I should probably be grateful. I mean, you're definitely a step up from the disappointment that was 2017, but you really set out to teach me some tough lessons. I wasn't as ready for the change you brought as I would have liked to be.

While I've always struggled with anxiety, I feel as though this year has been one of the hardest to try and control it. I'm an introverted perfectionist, so not only do I set high expectations for myself, my relationships and my environment, I also spend way too much time internalizing whether or not my life decisions are the best possible option for me at that moment.

For a while, things were going okay. I pushed myself beyond my own creative limits to write content I wasn't normally comfortable with, I formed friendships with so many people in college, and I felt like I had a huge community of support to get me through anything. I was even doing well in school and getting grades I could be proud of. However, once I let the bad thoughts get the best of me, things slowly began to change.

The most difficult aspect of mental illness that others need to accept, is that like addiction, you're caught in a never-ending battle. However, you will have good moments. If you have the right attitude, you can work on controlling your thoughts and behaviors to take steps in the right direction, but regardless of how hard you may try, there will always be times in life where these illnesses resurface.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I began drowning towards the end of my Freshman year. Where I once found myself succeeding, I suddenly found myself pushing people and opportunities away instead. I didn't mean to, I was just exhausted and overwhelmed by all the transformation my life was experiencing. Even though new beginnings are exciting, there's no doubt that they sometimes take a while to adjust to, and I was having trouble letting go of my past.

However, the best part of change is that while you can't run from it, you can always run towards it.

As my first year of college ended, I knew I had to say goodbye to feeling bad for myself over parts of my life I couldn't control, and hello to all the unlimited possibilities my future holds for me. However, I wasn't quite sure where to start. The turning point of this summer has been realizing that I don't have to know; finding happiness is something that will come to me on its own as long as I'm willing to accept it.

It was then when I decided that if there's one thing I'm going to be proud of by the end of this year, it would be using my kindness to support others the way I wish I was supported during my personal struggles. I felt like sadness stole so much of my identity from me that experiencing comfort through certain people, places, and things has helped me redefine who I am and see qualities in others that I'd like to admire in myself. I didn't know much else about my future, but being kind was something that came easy and would help the people around me as well.

As I began changing the way I interact with others by listening and being selfless towards their needs, I noticed myself getting closer to those I cared about and sharing more of my personal life. After being reminded of how much love I surround myself with every day, I began to accept who I was. If all my friends and family could love me despite my flaws, what was stopping me?

In the end, here I am today; a 19-year-old girl still as confused about life as she was in January. Yet, I now have the confidence to speak my truths and move forward knowing there are only more mistakes to be made. I continue to be fearless with every step I take, though because I know that no matter what I go through next, I'll come back with the knowledge and lessons meant to carry me to my next destination.

I'm so excited for the next 6 months because I know there are only more lessons to be learned. Without giving myself another chance at happiness, I wouldn't be able to look back and see good things grow in place of former sorrows. Things are still not perfect in my life right now, but instead, I thank the world every day that they're not.

So thank you 2018, and may the rest of our time together be dedicated to confidence, love, and even more hard work.