This week, I began my junior year of college as an English education major. While I was very excited for classes to begin, I have realized that I was not quite prepared for the course work. As I sit in my bed, surrounded by syllabi, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Every syllabus contains a schedule overview and a reading list for the semester, and It looks like I will be required to read about 300 pages of various textbooks each week. Needless to say, I will spend most of my free time this semester reading and writing. I am in upper-division English courses now, and a lot of reading is to be expected. I can't complain too much about it. I signed up for this, after all. However, seeing the course work and deadlines that await mapped out on paper just made my heart sink. A lot of questions and worrisome thoughts flood my mind: How am I going to be able to keep up in these classes? I hope this semester does not make my GPA plummet. How am I going to get into certain honor's societies if I don't do well in my classes this semester? These types of thoughts and questions have caused me to stress out beyond belief, and it's only the first week of school!
As I sat on my bed throwing myself a pity party, I realized something. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I should buck up and bite the bullet. Sitting around whining is not going to get my reading assignments done. I enjoy reading, and I know I can do this. The more I read, the more knowledge I will gain. This does not have to be a miserable experience. Will this semester be tough? Probably. However, with hard work, I know I can do it. Furthermore, my college experience is not about what honor's societies I am a part of. Yes, it is great that I take extreme pride in the grades I have received in college thus far. But- I have to realize that my perfectionism when it comes to academics is adding unnecessary stress to my life. I have to remind myself of the reason I am in college. I am going through college to get my degree and answer what I believe to be my calling: teaching. I have a true passion for education, and my goal in life is to help my future students and encourage them to reach their goals. I can't imagine pursuing any other kind of profession. When I begin teaching, I am not going to look back at my years in college and be upset that I got a B in a class. Who cares? As long as I get to my end goal, what will it matter how I got there? Nobody else is going to care about it either. I am going to happy regardless just by being a teacher.
From this experience, I have realized that I need to take a deep breath and relax every now and then. I am very much a worry-wart when it comes to just about everything. Sometimes I find myself stressing. This is completely silly. Worrying does nothing to fix anything besides adding more anxiety to a situation. I am extremely lucky to have the opportunity to be in college. Not everyone has this opportunity, and some people would love to be in my position.I need to learn to appreciate this opportunity to further my education and not complain about it- even when things get stressful. Although this semester will most likely be a roller coaster, I might as well enjoy the ride.
