There are so many definitions of love, which makes me wonder- is this because of our optimism about love or does this show our true lack of knowledge on it?
Either way, this is what I've come to know in my 19 years. (Which is just a blink in time anyway.)
Love is not like currency. It is not this mediated, regular exchange of emotions. Every transaction is a gamble if you will, but that's not to dissuade you. That goes along with most things.
The second you start expecting love back out of people, you will find yourself being constantly disappointed. But Carmen, isn't that impossible to not expect that back out of people? Kind of. It’s not wrong to have certain expectations out of those you love, after all, you are trusting them to hold your little heart in their slippery hands- things of that nature. But loving someone is so unique to the person, you can’t possible expect someone to love in the same we that you perceive it. Love morphs, divides, shrinks, and expands.
Not everyone deserves your love, but be generous to those types even more so. If we went around only handing out our affections to everyone we thought “deserved it," we’d all become cynics.
Yes, no one loves in the same way, but that is not an excuse to twist others heart strings either because you don't "feel the same." Trust me, you can tell the difference between those who love differently and those who don’t love at all. Whatever the feeling may be, stand up to it, express it, move forward. Sometimes we have to hear the truth above the "fantasy" of a forced love, no matter how badly our hearts ache after. The "After" is what usually ends up shaping how we love anyway. So, break your heart and learn to reshape it. It'll be okay.
It's easy to tell when love has turned selfish. For example, “I do this for you, and you can’t even do this for me?” Or “I’ve given you everything, how could you do this?” Love is not to be measured in actions that “should” be done, it is an active choice we make. Every day.
(I'll also add a disclaimer that you can give all your love to someone, and they can decline it, use it, or return it. This too will hurt, and this too is okay.)
It’s so easy to be angry at someone for not loving you the same way that you love them, and to that I say love anyway. Get angry, but recognize that love is a gift meant to be shared, and not everyone knows how to wrap it up to re-gift it.
I used to think that love wasn’t meant for people like me (the softies) because I always felt like I loved differently than those around me. Not in a pretentious way like I knew better than anyone else, but I just felt more vulnerable than others. I'm a fan of the "no-parachute" type of love if you will. But I’ve learned to accept that role I plan in life- to draw out people's softness, gentleness, and compassion with my own. They did not ask for it, and I can not ask for their love in return.
The point of all of this is that I still can't define love. It is a mass of intangible things. We kind of live in a time where if people don’t do exactly what is “in the rule book,” their entire love is disregarded. Radiant love and kindness, and you’ll eventually find yourself independent from needing that mirrored directly back to you. You can appreciate love in all of its varieties and dispel those who are only pretending.
