It's easy to assume that every relationship you enter is thriving and healthy. In fact, against the popular belief that every relationship is normal and stable, 1 in 3 people are in an unhealthy relationship right now. In my opinion it's easy to notice when people are in unhealthy relationships because I often hear the excuse "that's just how we are" or "they just work better like that". It is very easy to assume that every relationship is healthy because of what their social media looks like, and if you are my age you aren't taught in high school what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, and in some cases at home.
I don't usually share personal things like this with everyone (the internet), but God is telling me too so here I am. I recently got out of really unhealthy relationship that has been going on for about 5-6 months. I'm just now speaking up about it and telling my parents and my sisters in Christ because I've held it in for so long it started to make me feel unworthy and guilty even though I couldn't control most things that were happening and going on.
As I was doing my devotion this morning God said "Karlie, you need to write a blog about recovering from an unhealthy relationship because some one needs it so bad." and my response to was "God, are you out of your mind? I would love to help someone, but I don't think this is the way." God came back and said "Obey me and you will be rewarded." So here I am sitting down listening to Bethel and obeying God and His word and writing this blog.
First and foremost, I'm gonna bullet-point some signs of an unhealthy relationship because I've been there and done that.
He constantly has to be the center of attention-
He can't share the spotlight with you because he's so focused on his own self and making sure he's getting others to notice.
He promises to do things but never follows through-
He always make plans with you weeks ahead but hours before the plan he ditches you for something else.
He lies to you-
This is a huge sign- trust is a fundamental part of any relationship, so if he’s covering up his decisions, he is either embarrassed or unsure of how you will react.
He expects you to drop all of your commitments whenever he needs you, even for minor tasks-
He has no respect what so ever for your plans and your life outside of him. He always has to come first.
Don't get me wrong the list could go on and on and on. But those are a few that stuck out more than anything while I was in that unhealthy relationship. If you notice any of these signs in your friends relationship or even friendship DO NOT be afraid to reach out to them because sometimes they don't even realize they're in a unhealthy relationship. Don't get me wrong either we are human and we mess up so more than likely you've made one of these mistake before, but if you see a pattern of one or multiple signs you need to act quickly.
Now that I bullet-pointed some signs and hints of an unhealthy relationship. I want to talk about how you can recover from an unhealthy relationship. It's important to know you're not alone when trying to recover. You have the support of your family, friends and most importantly God to get you through this tough time.
It's okay to be sad. Allow yourself to have a good cry. Eat that whole gallon of ice-cream and watch sad movies. Call your best friends and share everything with her/him. Let them know how you feel. Release those feelings from that unhealthy relationship because I learned it only makes it harder when you keep it all inside of you.
Stay out of contact with that person. As hard as it is stay away from that person you "love" so much. It's so rewarding when you move on to better yourself. I know I still feel tempted to text that person just to "check in" with them. Resist that temptation. God is so much better so go check in with God and talk to him about how you feel.
Don't doubt what you did. Don't think for a second "I've made a mistake" about your breakup. You did it for a reason.
Spend time with others. Sometimes, unhealthy relationships cause people to push away people they love the most not even knowing they are. If you haven't spent much time with your friend(s), set a date and place so y'all can hang out and catch up with each other.
Focus on the future. I know it can be easy to dwell on the past. Don't worry about what's going to happen, concentrate on what's happening at the moment. God is in control and if you give Him control of your life if you haven't already it's the most beautiful thing to watch and experience.
Love yourself. What happened has happened. You can't go back in time and change the fact that you dated that person. You're so worthy and loved regardless of what that person said or put you though.