During my many hours of browsing the depths of the Odyssey, I’ve found many lists of reasons why you should write for Odyssey. And, yes, while I agree that there are many reasons why you should write for us -- let’s face it, there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t. Take heed before you apply, kids!

1. You don’t know how to use a computer.

So, there are probably workarounds for this, like dictating your articles to someone. But do you really think anyone wants to do that? No. So, if you have managed to make it to college without using a computer, you need not apply. Although, I’m really confused about how you’re reading this article…

2. You can’t construct full sentences.

Odyssey staff writers are, unfortunately, required to write articles which sort of implies full sentences. I know what you’re thinking, you already have to write full sentences for essays, we’re probably expecting too much of you, but alas that is the harsh, harsh world. Now, I’m sure there are some excellent pieces you could write that would speak to the hearts of college students everywhere, but they belong in other forms of literary publication (see example below).

College
Crying
Ramen
Freshman 15
Sorrow
No Rag-rets

3. You’re a real college student and don’t actually have time to write.

Our staff writers, somehow, find the time to write articles, but many are too busy, which is an excellent reason not to apply. I too find myself stuck at a long Netflix session and become extremely concerned that I will not be able to squeeze in time to write my article for the week. It’s impossible, I know. But I do it for the love my art. Anyway, if you’re one of those who truly has every second taken up by something to the point that you don’t sleep, then find a different hobby. Or don’t. Because you don’t have time.

4. You only speak Latin.

I know, I know, “Latin isn’t really dead”. I’m sorry, but except for The Vatican, it is most certainly very dead, and the majority of our audience cannot read Latin. So please, as writers at Odyssey, we ask only that you do not, under any circumstances, apply to be a writer. It’s just going to annoy literally everyone everywhere. Forever.

5. You’re a cat.

OK, so this one is only half of a reason because to be perfectly honest I really want to read articles written by cats… but cats fall under reason #1 and cannot type, so that would make it complicated. However, if you’re some alien space super cat and can use a computer, please apply because I really want to know what you think in that little head of yours.

6. You’re an FBI agent pretending to be a college student.

Psst, don’t worry, your cover isn’t blown. I don’t really know that you’re an FBI agent (wink). However, if you just happen to be, you work for the government! You do not have time to be writing for Odyssey! That is wrong. That is not what you’re getting paid to do. You’re paid to stop some terrible pyramid scheme or underground drug trade or possibly even cat kidnapping (I just really love cats, OK?). Obviously, we won’t find out if you’re in the FBI because you’re just that good at hiding, but please do not try. You have bigger fish to fry.

7. You aren’t creative.

Some people just don’t have it. All they see is grey, all they think is grey, everything in life is just grey, grey, grey. All the time. Every day. It’s really sad. And we just don’t need that for Odyssey.

All kidding aside, everyone is creative enough for Odyssey, and everyone can work it into their schedule. So if you’re interested, we want you to join our ranks. Apply today!