1.Everyone else is petty (even if they say they aren't) you might as well join the bandwagon.
We all like to be right, no matter what. We will correct everyone and anyone, and if it makes us look petty AF then *goal accomplished*! Yeah, we all love to claim to be better than other in the moral sense. Well, people suck. Be the pettiest.
2. It gives you an empowering feeling.
3. There is no reward for being the bigger person all the time.
I checked. I double checked. I even triple checked. Yeah, I suppose there can be moral victories, but who would know that beside you? I want people in their graves to realize it... the only way that will ever happen is to make sure my pettiness is pettier than yours. Why? Because I'm a petty motherfucker.
4. Sometimes people don't understand the problem or even realise it is a problem until you let them know. This is normally done by being petty.
For instance say your boyfriend never puts the toilet seat down, after he pees. He just leave it there. This is a common problem, but a problem nonetheless. You ask them to remember to put the seat down and they either forget (probably) or don't care enough to not do it again (likely). Well, I have a solution, but it's petty.
You have to go into the house and leave anything that has a door like thing open. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. Open those back and front doors. They got a garage? Hell, open it too! Open the kitchen cabinets, the dishwasher, the drawers, the windows, everything. THIS IS PETTY AF, BUT THEY GON' LEARN TODAYYYYYYYYY.
5. Some people just deserve it.
6. Because Jesus ain't done with you yet, boo.
While Jesus and his pops are out blessin' folks and all the ratchets, you might as well get into a situation that allows you to be petty. It isn't exactly your fault. If Jesus and God were done with you , you'd be chill. But they aren't, so you're not. Be petty to your heart's desire. Do you, boo thang.
You broke my favorite mug with cats on it? That's cool. It's not like it was something that mattered a lot to me, no big deal. Oops, I didn't mean to knock your aquarium down and step on Dory.
Wait, actually, don't do that. That's pretty mean.
You almost ran me over with that big ass jeep of yours (paid for by courtesy of Daddy's money) and then look at me like I was in the way when I was crossing a crosswalk. Well, you don't need that top right? You have raincoats to wear when driving it with no top. Thanks, fam.
'Cause I'm a petty bitch.