Of course, there is no same story. Each story has an intricate detail that differs from the others. Being a mental illness survivor (which does not mean that the mental illness is gone), I have the not-so stereotypical suicidal thoughts. If I am honest, I love my life and everything about it. There is not a single thing that I am not grateful for, but my mind plays tricks on me. It pushes me and pushes me, telling me that I'd be better off dead. But that is not true. I wouldn't be better off dead, and deep inside somewhere-- I know it; which is why I am creating this list. It isn't really for you... it is for me to look back on, but maybe it'll help you too. Here goes:
1. To become a great mother/father
2. To grow old with the person that I love.
3. To push myself to be an even better version of myself.
4. Because the world has too much evil, and needs my kindness/heart to balance it out.
5. To hear more life lessons from my father, who has yet to teach me about the things he learned when he was 25 or even 43.
6. To see my siblings grow older (and maybe tease them about their wrinkles one day).
7. To enjoy the good things in life like food that I haven't tried, places I haven't gone to, or sunsets that I still need to see.
8. To not keep my dog waiting on me. If I leave, he won't know why I didn't come back.
9. To be there for my friends, especially those who have no one but me. I promised to be your family. I won't leave you unless I absolutely HAVE to.
10. To learn more. There is so much I still need to know.
11. To care for my plants. I'm convinced it is my love that actually makes them grow.
12. To witness new discoveries, especially those in the ocean.
13. To raise my child with love and compassion; something that will make the world better.
14. To experience all of the goodmorning kisses, goodnight kisses, goodbye kisses, and everything in between.
15. To continue creating and making things that help others with their mental illness.
16. To fail, so that I can try again and do better.
17. To take care of my dad in his old age.
18. To go to the bookstore with my grandma and drink coffee together so that she can tell me about her day. And when she can't drive to me, I will bring the books and coffee to her.
19. To be the voice of political change and call out when things are wrong.
20. To save the life of someone who may reach out to me because I am vocal and understand.
21. To watch my older sister finally be happy within herself.
22. To plant a garden, one with sunflowers.
23. To advocate for mental health and anti-bullying, so that our youth learns from the mistakes of the past.
24. To stand in my friends' weddings, like they are going to for mine.
25. To find another reason to live.
The list goes on forever, if you let it.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 1-800-273-TALK.
