First comes love, then comes marriage, then you start to realize that this whole "til death do us part" is harder than you thought. Today, around 20% of married couples end up divorcing within the first five years. So what are the reasons that the "expected solid bond" ends up breaking? There's no single answer but a combination of possible causes. But we can notice certain trends that seem to repeat more often. So, let's look at the seven common reasons that cause marriages to fail that usually occur in the first five years.
1. Believing that marriage is a cure-all
Many people end up marrying someone without greatly considering the fact that they will have to live with that person for the rest of their lives. This is pretty surprising since making the decision to marry someone is one of the biggest decisions you can make. Deliberate blindness rarely has a happy ending.
There are some who have this notion that marriage can fix all problems. One divorce attorney said that he constantly deals with couples who thought that marriage was some type of magic pill. They assumed if they get married, somehow their relationship problems would magically disappear. The key point to take away here, if you don't like something about your partner before marriage, it will continue to annoy you after marriage.
2. Undisclosed debt
Financial problems are probably one of the biggest reasons for both marriage problems and divorces. But those can happen even 20 years into a marriage. However, there is one thing that many young couples are stuck with - student loans. These often times become a huge burden during the early stages of marriage.
Student loan debt obligations almost never come up at the start of a romantic relationship. But once the honeymoon phase ends and reality kicks in, the realization that the loans need to be paid off, floats up. When a couple starts planning on having children or buying a house, student loans can become immense burdens.
3. Problems with in-laws
There are many jokes regarding overbearing in-laws and it's like a marital cliché. However, without proper boundaries set, in-laws can become a great source of issues. During the dating period, you're basically treading lightly. It's kind of like walking on eggshells, especially when it comes to family. You avoid expressing your opinions and try not to get involved in family matters. But once you marry, for many couples this changes and can lead to lots of friction.
4. Different plans for future
In order to have a successful marriage, you need to have a plan for the future and one that you both agree on. Couples who have very different plans for their new family don't end well. It's best to come to an agreement on important things beforehand. This includes things like religion, finances, education, how many children you want, and how close you will be with the in-laws.
5. Differences regarding religion
Similar to student loans, religion is rarely talked about during dating. You usually spend the holidays separately and any family traditions don't really play a role in the relationship. But when your relationship becomes pretty serious, like after marriage, traditions and religion start playing a bigger role. Very big differences in those areas can cause all sorts of problems.
6. Not staying connected
It's easy for life to get in the way of marriage and make couples lose their connection. Things like work, kids, and other commitments often cause partners to disconnect from one another, especially in the first few years of marriage. Next thing you know, your marital relationship has shifted to an effort of just keeping up with the family schedule. It's important to notice this "drifting apart" and find ways to rekindle the connection.
7. Not speaking up
Life and marriage aren't easy. Problems can often arise when one person feels like they're taking on most of the burden. Things quickly get even worse when that person keeps those burdens to themselves. You should always speak up about it and you will be surprised how often you'll hear 'I would have helped if I had known.' For example, if you're a female and you start feeling pain during sex, make sure you let your partner know. That way you won't have to suffer until you're able to treat the issue.
