Over 160 million Americans believe John F. Kennedy was killed in a conspiracy, 90 million Americans believe aliens are real, and 21 million Americans believe the moon landing of 1969 was faked. These numbers, as reported by Public Policy Polling, are both shocking and comforting. This means that it's likely that someone, if not everyone, in our own social circles believe in some conspiracy theory or another.
If you aren't yet a believer yourself, be prepared to join some 12 million Americans in searching for the inhuman in the world's most powerful people — here are six reasons to be wary of the lizard people:
1. Major global politicians speak from their lizard mouths.
It must be really difficult to hide those forked tongues and lizard teeth while giving public speeches.
2. Popular celebrities are actually just reptiles in vaguely human-looking costumes.
We all knew Miley was weird, but this footage is definitive proof that the once sweet teen pop star has transitioned into an evil reptoid.
3. The US president has an uncanny ability to kill flies — a skill only a lizard would have.
Would a normal human be able to assassinate a fly with laser precision? Your cover is slipping, Obama.
4. Mitt Romney, a former republican presidential candidate, doesn't believe in "extraterrestrials."
That's exactly what an extraterrestrial would say.
5. New Zealand's prime minister, John Key, publicly announced that he doesn't think he's a lizard.
"So I'm certainly not a reptile. I've never been in a spaceship, never been in outer space, and my tongue's not overly long either," Key said. In this statement, the prime minister denied some of the indicators of reptilian being, but not all of them. We see what you did there, John.
6. A Twitter bot caught a member of the U.S. House of Representatives editing an article about lizard people, denying reptilian allegations.
The bolded text above is the edit. Methinks the Congress doth protest too much...
This is by no means a comprehensive list of the lizard-like behavior that plagues our world, but it sure is convincing. Although the lizard people conspiracy was the least popular of all of the theories polled by Public Policy Polling, it's perhaps the most validating, making the most sense out of our confusing, scary scaly world.
Disclaimer: This article is purely satire. Although I personally do not subscribe to the lizard people conspiracy, the proof presented here is for readers' consumption and to be interpreted at their own discretion.
