The Reality Of Long Distance Relationships In College

The Reality Of Long Distance Relationships In College

Do not let jealousy kill your relationship.
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It’s no secret that most high school relationships end the summer before freshman year of college. The majority of the time, this is because couples that are going to different schools are intimidated by long distance. I’ll be the first one to say long distance is no walk in the park - always scrambling to find a date to Tuesday night sorority date events, when you’re sad and just need someone to cuddle, if you’re hungry and nobody will go grab food with you. Yeah during times like this, being so far away really sucks, but at the end of the day, it all makes you value that special person even more. If I could give one piece of advice to any relationship that is ending for the sole reason of long distance, give it a try, because you never know what could have happened if you didn’t.

If you’re one of the of the brave souls willing to see how it goes, I’m here for you. I’ve reflected on why I think my boyfriend and I have had such an easy long distance experience and want to share my opinions with you. The first and arguably most important thing to keep in mind is to trust each other.

Do not let jealousy kill your relationship.

He’s going to make girl friends that he likes to chill and study with. She’s going to meet another guy that makes her laugh. And that’s perfectly okay. You are allowed to have other people in your life that make you happy and so is the other person; these are called friendships. This does not mean that other person loves you any less. The moment you learn this and actually believe it is the moment that you and your significant other can truly start enjoying college.

You need to let each other have fun.

The main reason my boyfriend and I get along so well is because we don’t inhibit each other from doing what the other one wants. There, of course, has to be a sense of respect for the other person, meaning when you do go out, you make sure you tell them and keep them updated on what you’re doing. At the same time, don’t have the kind of relationship where your significant other is not ‘allowed’ to go to parties or go out with their friends. The second they feel like you are stopping them from exploring college and figuring out who they are as a person, the relationship is no longer genuine and it is no longer good for either of you.

Introduce the other person to your friends.

I am known for answering a facetime no matter where I am. Yes, my friends always say how annoying it is, but I feel like my boyfriend knows my friends so much better because of it. He’s with us when we walk to class, when we’re eating in the dining hall, when we are literally at our semi-formal, when we’re studying in the library, ALL THE TIME. For that reason, he has so much of a better time when he comes to visit because he’s actually friends with my friends. In the beginning, these frequent FaceTimes were crucial for allowing each other to understand the other’s world and get comfortable with being so far away.

Be sure to make time to talk to one another privately.

Yes, I did just emphasize the importance of talking to them with your friends around. However, giving them a little one on one time is equally just as important. My boyfriend and I tried the whole texting all day everyday thing for the majority of our first semester in college and it led to major problems. This unrealistic expectation that we would be able to quickly text the other one back at all hours of the day left us getting mad at each other each time a text was left hanging for more than an hour. Thankfully, this semester we realized that this was not working.

We both sacrificed constant texting for just one phone call at the end of the day. Sometimes this call is only five minutes and sometimes it’s two hours, but we always try to devote some time to each other before we go to bed to just talk about our day and what’s going on in our lives; setting aside time is sometimes hard to fit into our busy schedules, but it’s so important to make sure we’re keeping up with each other and letting them know that they are important to us.

Blake - thank you for always being patient, kind, and understanding. There aren’t a lot of guys like you and I can’t wait to see you next.

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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How To Keep The Spark Alive In Your Long-Distance Relationship

Things I've learned and practice doing to keep my long distance relationship strong.

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As I was talking to a friend the other night I thought I'd write about the most important things that have kept me strong in my long-distance relationship. It has been almost two years that I have been dating my high school boyfriend, Brandon. With the majority of time being in college, I figured I could give a little bit of insight on how we have stayed strong.

Communication

I believe this is the most important factor of any healthy relationship. You need to talk to your significant other. For long distance, you have to develop the same skill of talking and touching base with people even if they are not physically with you.

To do this you can use the phone, facetime, skype, texting, or even writing letters. The letters may be a little old fashion but, I still do this as an extra way to communicate because I feel that it is really personal. It makes me feel so loved to receive a note, so it inspires me to share that same love back with people in my life that are meaningful.

Staying Connected

This point is similar to communicating but, it's staying connected. For example, I want to know what Brandon is doing and I get excited for him to tell me about it. The same goes for him, he wants to know what's going on in my life too. I think that this is healthy if you care about people, you check in on them and support them (even though we are not physically together).

I've learned to make a priorities list. After leaving high school, it can sometimes be so hard to stay in contact with your significant other or just friends. If you are both on the same page knowing how much time and effort needs to be put in and are willing to adjust your schedules, you can do it. It isn't that we are always perfect at this, but you have to make this effort. For example, I typically always talk to B at night because he plays baseball in the morning and then has classes after, so while we're both at school I know and have in my schedule that we talk at night. For us, this works for us and is the easiest. So, I would recommend figuring out your schedule, discuss theirs, and from there making the time and effort to stay connected.

Friendship

To keep your long distance relationship going I would say you have to be pretty compatible friends. You will see pretty quick that since you aren't always together, that if it is just something physical or convenient that it will not work out. I know from friends experiences that your relationship will crumble if you're not well rooted in a friendship first and foremost.

Similar Values

All is easier when you have the same values as the person you are dating. How are things going to work out when you don't see eye to eye on important issues and value the same things? This doesn't mean that you will agree on everything, quite frankly I would hate that; it would be like we were the exact same person and would never have anything to talk about. So expect differing opinions, but don't ever compromise on your values. Definitely a good thing to discuss for a healthy relationship!
Ideas of different values / some of ours
- Honesty and authenticity - growth
- Work ethic - faith
- Laughter - happiness
- Kindness - being healthy and active
-Friendship - respect

Balance/Trust

Having a relationship can be hard whether you are near or far. As I said before, communication is important, however, you still need to find some balance and trust in your relationship. If you are going to be away from each other and not have to worry about what decisions they are going to make, trust must be the forerunner in the relationship.

Personally, B and I are both in college and while we are both figuring out life, I know that there is a piece of him also with me here and that we are growing in this new adventure together. This is the way that I like to look at the situation. It makes life easier being apart and makes me feel good. I have found that this has actually strengthened our relationship. While it may be hard at times, the distance has also let us focus on ourselves and built us into better, smarter people that in the end will be better for each other.

Support

I think this a key point: that you should be with someone who supports you. Someone that is going to lift you when you fall. I would say that it is essential to both have the mindset to help each other grow into better people. Every day, apart or together, it is a desire and goal of mine to become a better version of myself. I want to do this for my boyfriend and all my friends. I need someone who is going to support me and inspire me to reach that potential, especially when I don't see it in myself. I think this is important in any relationship, that it brings you up and makes you better... not the opposite.

In your relationship, you need for your partner to be encouraging and seek to help you.

Beware!!!

Side note: One of my fears is to actually just be comfortable with someone so long that your love dies and that you just have no care for each other. I know this happens to people and that nothing is changing or growing inside either of them... don't do this.

Work

Overall it is going to be hard work to keep a relationship going, but it is worth it if both people are dedicated. Just remember, it is very possible and a lot of people are in the same situation as you. Essentially, being apart for so much time makes your time together better. On breaks, it is so much more satisfying and enjoyable to see each other because it has been so long. I've realized from this experience that your relationship can actually become strengthened and that you are more grateful in the end.

Hope this helps + inspires!

xoxo

Ally

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