The other day my best friend from back home texted me the following: “What if getting married and having kids is something we do subconsciously because we are getting bored?” I told him his rationale was off, but not by much. The overarching factor for why we get married and have kids is one word: themes.
We tend to mirror our love life after what’s going on in other aspects of our lives. For instance, when we’re young-it’s easy for us to meet and date tons of people because our lives and futures hold tons of ambiguity. As we get older with stable jobs and a steady living situation we tend to settle down with someone as a way of securing and locking down another aspect of our lives.
Here are the other three primary reasons that we feel the urge to get married and have kids.
1. Legacy
The first appeal of having a child is that you will have someone to carry the torch for future generations. You will leave behind a mark on the world in the form of a miniature version of yourself with similar DNA that could affect the human race in an infinite amount of ways. You can train them to behave and think just like you so it’s almost as if you’re being reborn. Not to mention that your kids can also function as great erasers. If you were a total asshole in school, then raising a pleasant kid will make your former teachers remember you more fondly in hindsight. If you failed at realizing your dream of becoming a professional athlete, you can raise your child in a way that maximizes their chances for success of reaching that elite status. Ala Lavar Ball. Kids give us a second chance at building a legacy, just in case our own didn’t pan out as well as we hoped.
2. Dilution of options
The second reason people get married and have kids is that their options get diluted. If our lives were just one long road that we drove on, the older we get, the more of our friends we’d see in minivans with their significant other. With adulthood comes more responsibility and more responsibility equates to less free time. We simply can’t nourish all of the old friendships that we used to. It’s not mathematically possible. Therefore, we utilize the little free time we do have with a partner who’s willing to do the things our friends are not. Such as pro-creating. Life also has a tendency to rip friend groups apart. Whether it’s a job, family issues, or financial hardships, every friendship squad has an expiration date. We can’t be a part of the wolf-pack forever. Eventually we all have to move on with our lives.
3. Locking in a baseline level of human interaction
The final reason people get married is there’s a baseline level of human interaction we have to keep in order to stay sane. Having a husband/wife and kids allows us to access that interaction in a limitless capacity. The greatest baseline for happiness in the long term isn’t the amount of money we make; places we’ve been to or material items we have. It’s the strength of our interpersonal relationships. Having a family gives us an opportunity to lock in those relationships to help keep our heads on straight. In terms of happiness and mental health economics, having a family is one of the smartest long term business decisions we could make.
In the future if you're concerned about falling into the cliche of moving to the suburbs and raising a family, don't be. There's a reason that these patterns emerge and nobody is immune to it's allure. If your greatest fear is turning into your parents, then you'll be sorely disappointed because no matter how far you travel, you can't run from who you are.
