You know the deal: boy meets girl, girl falls hard, boy breaks her heart. He claims either, "he's not ready for a relationship," or "hey it's just me, not you." Or any other excuse under the sun.

But the reason does not matter, it never does. The pain still consumes every aspect of your life. You are reminded of the heartbreak by that song in the car, that person's voice at the grocery store, and by that smell lingering on your clothes. You are triggered by the remembrance every where you go, so the pain stays longer than normal.

So why is this kind of pain preventing you from living your life? Why does this kind of pain stop you from opening up to meeting new people? Why does this pain make you question everything you have known?

Because we think this pain comes from within. We think this pain was caused by ourselves. We always blame ourselves for someone else's decision. We internalize every ounce of the hurt because we think, "I should have said this,", or "I should have done that." We want to take back our actions, words, or choices, because we truly believe we are at fault for what could have been.

And maybe that is why we feel so much pain when someone breaks up with us. Or when someone leaves us. Or when someone neglects us. Or when someone treats us unfairly.

We constantly forget that the way someone else treats us is a reflection of his or her character, not our own.

So what can we do to make the terrible feeling in our gut go away? How can we get over the hurt and help ourselves feel whole again.

We need to understand ourselves. We need to be patience with ourselves. We need to be kind to ourselves. But most of all, we need to love ourselves.

We always look in the mirror and initially see our imperfections instead of the parts of us that we truly like. We choose to see the negative instead of the positive. We always find fault with what is in front of us because we refuse to accept who we are. We want to change the person we see instead of expanding on the unique qualities inside us.

Relationships tend to help us dig deeper into figuring out who we are, but when we are not fully confident in ourselves, we hit road blocks. We crash into walls because we cling and depend on the other person. Of course people can help us grow, but sometimes we also need to understand how to find that confidence within ourselves.

We often rely on our significant other to give us compliments and make us feel beautiful, and forget how to rediscover that beauty on our own. So when that person is gone, there is no wonder why we focus on the imperfections we see instead of valuing the qualities we possess.

But absolutely no one should be able to define our beauty. Relationships do not work, for a million different reasons, and we should stop always thinking it is ourselves. And it may take time to reprogram our brains so that is not the initial thought, but we will get there.

So what do I recommend to do when moving forward when dealing with the pain of dating? Date yourself first. Understand what you want in a relationship and let go of someone who does not give that to you. Be confident in your imperfections, because someone will find them charming and intriguing. Do not lower your standards, especially for yourself. Love yourself enough to not give up.

People hurt and hearts break, but neither have to last forever.