There’s an old saying we all know, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other gold.”

Last August, saying goodbye to my golden friends from high school was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do, many tears were shed.

You see, we’d spent almost every day of the past four years together. We all went to the same school, participated in the same activities, and carpooled back and forth to it all together. It was a lot like college, when you’re surrounded by people who just get you from the moment you wake up to the time you go to sleep.

We realized that we handle the separation so well because we had already kind of lived that college-style relationship. We were prepped for it. But lately, I have this constant aching in my heart, and I know its aching for them.

I know a lot of friend groups are inseparable, but there is something truly special that I share with my people back home. We have our weekend traditions of Pizza Hut on a Friday night, inside jokes that we’ve never let die, and silly nicknames that remind us of times where we did some really stupid shit.

I love the friends I’ve made at college. They’ve completed me in ways I never thought imaginable. They took care of me and acted as my surrogate family as I navigated some dark and scary times. They helped me find myself.

But the difference between college friends and high school friends is this: your college friends help you find yourself, but your high school friends lay the foundation for who you are.

My friends are my family. They know every inch of me, they know what I’m thinking before I even say it, they have no judgments left because they got it out of their system four years ago.

This summer, I’m blessed to be working with the very group of friends that have made me who I am. I know we’ll be soaking up every second together before we have to go our separate ways again.

I know we’ll laugh and cry and go on crazy adventures. The thing that is keeping me going through finals is the thought of a warm hug and a cuddle under an infamous New York Giants blanket that is a permanent staple of my basement.

Most people are worried about things being different when they go back to their friends at home. I know I’m different. If I told myself nine months ago that this would be the person I am now, someone with a completely different life plan and days full of such uncertainty, I wouldn’t have believed myself.

But the thing is, all of my friends have changed too. They’ve found people to be permanent placeholders since I can’t be there for them every day. I’m not jealous of those people. I’m thankful that they’ve helped my people find who they are and what excites them.

Despite it all, I’m ready. I’m ready to pack up my room and go back to a happy place where people call me “Em Girl” and “Snuggle Bug.” I’m ready to take drives down 476 with the windows down to pick up cookies. I’m ready to sing onstage together and sneak in little moments of friendship that only the people closest to us will notice.

I’m ready for our group chat to be full of messages at all hours of the day and night. And I’m ready to be just a few minutes away. I don’t discredit any of the relationships I’ve formed, I’m just reminding myself of where I came from and the people who have shaped me into the woman I am today.

And so, to my fab 5, let’s change the group chat to [title of love]. Because that is all you’ve ever given me.