Recently, Huffington Post writer Isabelle Tessier wrote a piece called "I Want To Be Single -- But With You" that went viral. The post was being shared on multiple social media platforms by various types of people; however, there was a pattern amongst the sharers of the article -- most were women. And unsurprisingly so.
The article focuses on one woman's wish to remain independent, keeping her own identity in tact, while in a relationship. She expresses the want to have alone time, to do things she wants to do and to be able to spread her wings without feeling guilty for living her own life. The article was an expression of wants of a healthy relationship where partners don't need to give up their desires and values for another. And all of a sudden, I was having trouble accepting this article and its presence on my Facebook. Women were in awe of this author's desires in a partner, because they too wanted a relationship where their independence mattered. But all of the sharers were treating this relationship as an idealistic one -- not a realistic one.
The sharers of the article were lusting after the relationship the author discussed, treating it like a fantasy. Do women not think themselves capable of having a relationship that allowed them this, or any, freedom? Or had they thought such relationships did not truly exist? Pretty quickly I decided my trouble in the article was really my sadness for all of the women and girls out there who didn't know if they were worthy of this article's depiction of a healthy relationship. Having your own identity in a relationship seems like the only option to me, and it's astounding that others, mainly women, don't view this as a norm, but rather a far off ideal that they will never experience. And that is heartbreaking.
The signing off of the article, "one day, I will find you" changes the tone of the whole article, creating the idea that this perfect man is not immediately attainable, and may never truly be. The key to a healthy relationship isn't finding a man who will let you breathe, it's about making the relationship one where this is not only possible, but the groundwork of the partnership. Relationships take two people to work, and each partner is responsible for their own happiness in said relationship. No human can read your mind, ladies. If you want something, you have to be able to speak up and claim it as your own. If you want to live independently, you set the precedent as such, and no less. Don't allow your hopes and wishes to be walked over. Don't let your voice be swallowed up. Know your self-worth. Know your wants and ask for them. And most importantly, remember that you are entitled to the same independence in your relationship that your partner is.
