I want to say one thing and one thing only:

GANONDORF IS NEITHER KING NOR GOD

While Ganondorf may be on a tier of his own, there is one other big boy Smash player that ranks above all others, even the pig king himself.

Known by many names, Donkey Kong, or as we will be referring to him in this article, Slime Kong, is one of the best characters to play as in smash. Slime Kong is a character that is only ever played by the pros who can handle him.

Similar to the fools who wrote the article about Ganondorf, I too will be showing off Slime's crazy killer moves list, but this time it will be called SLIME KONG'S DEVASTATING ASSAULTS.

DEVASTATING ASSAULT NUMBA ONE:

Slime boy's got that insanity called a downspike... TIMES THREE SON.

The amount of diversablility that DK can dish out downwards is beyond measure when using SI units. Slime's down spikes consist of the forward air, the down air, and of course, the most deadly of all, the DOWN B. With this assault, Slime taps his opponent on the head and they go DOWN.

As Tech always says, "DK Enters."

DEVASTATING ASSAULT NUMBA TWO:

DK has that big boy Slam move.

Have you ever been to Denny's and ordered a SLAM? Picture that, but it's all wound up and full of MONKEY FIST.

Slime's deadly numba two move consists of a big boy punch right to the booty of any unsuspecting foe. DK charges up his fist of fury and lets loose a big old smackeroo on the enemy.

DEVASTATING ASSAULT NUMBA THREE:

Our boy, Slime, knows a thing or two about recovery. Not only can DK destroy someone by smashing them into the earth below, but he can get back no problem, even when his double jump is all gone. Slime's lateral movement is too good for this neighborhood.

DK's Up B puts the pain on the train. His fist hits you (the player) through reality and deals out MASSIVE DAMAGE while destroying moral.

"When he's on the ground

This DEVASTATING ASSAULT will inject you with

Way too many illicit drugs"

-Cloud

DEVASTATING ASSAULT NUMBA FOUR:

DA COOKIE SLAM. There's nothing more that DK loves than a good cookie. Slime's forward B slams the opponent into the ground so hard that they get baked into a delicious lumpy treat. From there, DK is free to munch on his delicious feast that he has created by giving them the charge boy slam, or destroying their sense of pride by giving them one of these bad boys:

That'll teach 'em. The DK cookie is the best kind of cookie.

DEVASTATING ASSAULT NUMBA FIVE:

The last killer move that Slime's got in his arsenal is the one, the only, FORWARD AIR.

I know, some of you may say: "But dude, ahhh, you already talked about da down spike!"

And I'll tell you what it's for, as this is the best move in DK's entire list of moves.

Slime's forward air is so good, that it can only be used by professionals. If not done properly, the move will make DK bounce on his butt and will make you sad.

"A sad Slime Kong is a Bad Slime Kong" -PP

The only real way to use this move is for a big blam down the center line, giving them the big smash to bounce up so you can say,

"Shoulda teched." -Tech

Just remember, Ganondorf is a slouch. Slime Kong is the only character you ever need to play as. I'll leave you with this:

"[Slime Kong] is the m-m-man of the year, m-m-man of the bounce." -Schoolboy Q