My first word was meat. If that doesn’t weirdly sum up what kind of a little kid I was, I don’t know what will. All little kids are odd in their own unique way, but I take the cake in my family at least for being the strangest when I was younger. My mom always says I was a great baby and my sister was an awful one. However, once we could walk and talk the tables were turned. My sister was the good one and I was the troublemaker. The first time my mom told me this I felt honored that I was the easy baby and thought this was a compliment. It only took me a few minutes to realize my mom was basically saying I was only manageable for about a year. Looking back on it now and hearing all the stories, I hate to admit it but I sort of agree with my mom. I was a huge pain in the butt as a toddler.

My mom would pretend to be calling the “daycare bus” or the bus to take me to Sylvan Learning Center whenever I was acting out. I would scream and cry not having any idea that my mom was actually just holding the phone with the dial tone ringing in her ear. If I kept on being a brat (most of the time) my parents would lock me in my room. I wasn’t wise enough to realize the door locked from the inside and I could leave anytime. So the logical thing to do was clearly throw things and myself at the door in hopes it would open. Side note, we actually had to paint over my bedroom door because of all the marks and missing paint I created during my hissy fits. I would get myself so worked up throwing things at the door I would eventually strip down butt naked and pass out under my bed, where my parents would find me.

I had trouble pronouncing my r’s so it sounded like I was speaking in another language most of the time. Plus I had a deep voice for a little girl and so I came off sounding like a gremlin of some sorts. I guess because it was so hard for me to use my words to defend myself I took a strong liking to biting people. Name it and I probably bit it. Sometimes my vicious biting would even cause my victim to draw blood. My sister was my number one target for sure, but no one was safe when I was in my biting phase. I actually almost got kicked out of school in the first grade for biting another kid. He was a second grader and long story short I was totally right and my only option was to bite him. My neighbor who is a year older than me also went to my school so he and I had a special relationship. One day at recess I saw he left his Yu-Gi-Oh cards unattended. So being the unruly child I was I went over and took them. Within minutes some other second grade boy came up to me and told me they were his cards and to give them back. I may have been a brat but I wasn’t stupid and I knew those weren’t his cards. I denied him multiple times until he got frustrated and grabbed me by the arm and started pulling me. Luckily my ride-or-die best friend grabbed my other arm and started pulling me the other way. They were both pulling and I could tell my girl was about to lose her grip and fall and I was going to go down with her and land on the concrete.

So I bit that second grader’s arm until he let go of me. I felt like a boss that was untouchable. I just won a fight against a second grade boy! I was on cloud nine, until the kid started crying and I noticed my bite was so powerful I had drawn blood. Oh crap, I’m screwed I thought as I ran away from the crime scene and hid out for the rest of recess. When recess ended and we had to line up to go back inside, I thought I was in the clear. No one came looking for me after I ran from the boy sobbing with a bite mark in his arm. We got back to class and we sat on the rug waiting for story time, but instead of story time the second grade teacher walked in whispered something to my teacher and next thing you know I’m walking with the principal outside while he explains to me why biting people is wrong. At this point I had completely lost it and was crying nonstop. I thought I was going to get kicked out and was preparing myself for the news. Instead my principal asked me if I would do this again and in between sobs I told him no and he sent me back to class. I was dumfounded and so relieved. My parents didn’t feel the same way when I got home from school that day. I don’t remember what my punishment was but I’m sure it involved me being locked in my room.

I never understood how I got off the hook for the entire biting incident and eventually forgot about it. It wasn’t until a few years ago my dad told me he actually had to call the principal and basically beg him to let me stay in school. Whoops sorry dad! I slowed down on biting people after that but still every once in a while I would let my inner piranha out. I wish I could say that’s the only bad or weird thing I did as a little kid, but the truth is I could fill a book with stories about me testing the waters when I was younger. I told you no normal kid’s first word is meat.