Unbelievably, there are people in the United States who don’t believe that we have a rape culture issue in this country.
And by that I mean, that there are people who don’t believe that rape is deeply ingrained into our society, be it through social media or even through the different ways in which we raise our children.
And to those people, I have to pose this question: What do men do on a daily basis to prevent themselves from being raped?
Go ahead, take a few minutes to really think about it. Because I guarantee you that no matter what you come up with, it probably won’t be relevant. Moreover, it won’t come anywhere near what women do on a daily basis to prevent themselves from being raped.
Which is interesting. Because I’m not trying to belittle the reality that women are not the only ones that are victims of rape in this country. Contrarily, a growing percentage of men are victims of sexual assault as well. And that makes the answer to my last question (or lack thereof) even more interesting.
As a woman, I can tell you that I don’t walk around alone at night. I carry my key sticking out between two fingers just in case I need to defend myself. I use an app that will notify my mom and campus police if I don’t disarm a timer on my phone in a certain amount of time when I’m doing something as simple as walking to my car. When I’m out with friends, I don’t go to the bathroom alone. And I don’t leave my water sitting on a table for fear of someone drugging it. Because science has developed drugs that dissolve clear and tasteless.
I don’t remember the last time I took a walk by myself at night just to clear my head and look at the stars. And that has nothing to do with neighborhoods or demographics.
These things aren’t natural. I wasn’t born with the inherent fear of other people. As a baby, I trusted the world around me, just like every other baby has to. But soon after, I was taught that I couldn’t be trusting of anyone.
And there are reasons for this. There are reasons that my male counterparts don’t think twice about walking to their cars.
As soon as boys are old enough to maneuver on their own in the smallest ways, they’re taught that the world is their oyster. They can do anything, achieve anything, and conquer everything. That’s the sole purpose of their upbringing. And that’s great.
And many girls are taught the same thing. The only trouble is that the fueling of our hope and potential is paired with basic lessons that subtly (and not so subtly) condition us to adhere to the belief that everyone is out to get us and that the world is a very dangerous place for us.
And these lessons aren’t taught to purposely make little girls fearful and untrusting. These lessons are meant to keep us safe, and to caution us against situations that are dangerous. But these lessons are often taught without much thought about their intrinsic value.
We tell girls not to wear short skirts, not to wear too much makeup, and not to show too much of their skin because doing so could amplify the risk of being raped.
We tell young women to drink cautiously and in moderation, because not doing so could leave them intoxicated, and that could result in being raped.
We remind women not to leave their drinks unattended, and not to accept open drinks from strangers, because someone could put something in their drinks, and that could result in being raped.
We do these things instead of teaching boys to respect women and to realize that there is more to a woman than her body.
We do these things instead of teaching boys not to take advantage of a woman just because she is drunk and vulnerable.
We do these things instead of teaching boys not to put drugs in other people’s drinks.
And of course the argument could be made that we are teaching boys those things. But the statistics don’t lie, and they are absolutely staggering. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), one in every six women in America has reported being victims of sexual assault. And this is a statistic that can only count the reported cases, but we’re talking about the crime that most often goes unreported.
I guess the argument could also be made that many of these behaviors, such as monitoring how much you’re drinking and keeping an eye on your drink, are just good safety measures to practice. That isn’t untrue.
But being drunk in public does not mean you deserve to be sexually assaulted. Leaving your drink unattended does not give anyone the right to drug you and take advantage of you.
Sexual assault is an epidemic that is running rampant across the United States, and it isn’t going to be stopped until we all take an active role in stopping it. Women everywhere live in fear of becoming just another tally in the statistics, but the trauma and horror is more real than any number could ever indicate. It’s time that we change the narrative in the United States, and shut down the rape culture that permeates the most basic structures of our society.
