Every time I turn on the radio these days while driving in the car, I am cursed with the utter travesty of being forced to listen to what have to be the most horribly obnoxious commercials in the history of radio.

These commercials are for Goettl Air Conditioning, and they are slowly driving me completely insane to the point where I feel the need to scream every time one of the commercials comes on. Every time the owner of the business comes on and says “Goettl. G-O-E-T-T-L. It’ll keep you cool, but it’s hard to spell,” I want to pull my hair out in utter frustration and sadness. There has never been a series of commercials that I have so strongly despised, so much so that I am currently writing an article about how much I despise them, just to vent my feelings on the subject.

For anyone unaware, these commercials have been infesting Tucson radio airwaves lately. I’m not sure if other cities have to experience this travesty, but if Tucson is the only place then I would like to know so that I can promptly move away. The commercials often start with the owner of Goettl talking about his father or about buying the company. There is just something about them that makes them absolutely unbearable to listen to. The Goettl brothers started the company back in the day, and I can’t imagine how they would feel if they could listen to the commercials now. According to the commercials, people “admire the Goettl brothers like airplane people admired Orville and Wilbur Wright,” which leads me to the question of what the hell “airplane people” are.

I’m sure the company means well, but good lord do they need a new marketing strategy. I mean, if their goal is to stick inside people’s heads then that part is working because I remember them far better than any other air conditioning repair companies. However, it is only so that I will remember never to use them if I have to call an air conditioning repairman. I’m sure that their repairman are perfectly competent and I have no doubt that they are an honest, reputable company that can be counted on to perform the job requested in a timely and efficient manner. However, they have absolutely awful radio commercials, and they ALWAYS seem to be on air.

I don’t want to know how much money Goettl must have had to spend to secure so much on-air time, but they are infesting listeners’ ears with audio poison in 30 second increments.

The only commercials that may in fact be worse than the Goettl commercials are for the Sunny Plumber, which, you guessed it, is also owned by the same guy that owns Goettl. I cannot get the terrible jungle out of my head that ends with “Sunny, you’re the plumber for me, set me free.” I don’t know what the hell that means, I just know that I cringe and shake in my skin every time it comes on. And, the more recent Sunny ads are even worse, with two random guys singing the jingle and engaging in an awful, completely cringeworthy conversation.

I just can’t understand who in their right mind would endorse commercials like this. What is their plan? To make potential customers cringe so hard that they call and hire the company? I don’t think that will work somehow. I didn’t think it was possible, but each Goettl and Sunny commercial seems worse than the last.

I’m sure they do a fine job of plumbing and fixing air conditioners, but man oh man are their commercials terrible.

Goettl. G-O-E-T-T-L. It’ll keep you cool, but drive you insane. This is how the slogan should go. On behalf of radio listeners everywhere, and my own sanity, please. Please, Goettl and Sunny, stop these commercials. I beg you.