Bachelorette Rankings

A Completely Subjective Ranking Of The Guys On 'The Bachelorette'

By someone who's only seen one episode.

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Normally, "The Bachelor/Bachelorette" is a must-watch for me. However, after getting heavily involved in a couple of Bachelor Fantasy Leagues last year, I decided to take this season of "The Bachelorette" off to recover from my Bachelor addiction.

However, I did watch one episode last week, and now I feel obligated to subjectively rank all of the contestants based on what I saw. Let's judge some books by their covers!

100. Chris R., Sales Trainer

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Chris comes in at number 100 on this list of eleven men because he seemed like the textbook definition of a douchebag. Think mid-2000s John Mayer meets that dumbo race car driver from last season of the Bachelor.

For some reason he kept bringing up the fact that he was a 300-lb child, and also claimed that another contestant (Lincoln) was volatile because he ate 14 eggs a day, and therefore had "cholesterol above 6,000".

But thankfully, Chris R. got eliminated, so good riddance. I hope he has fun with his sales training (whatever the fuck that is).

10. Lincoln, Account Sales Executive

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It's hard to tell if Lincoln was actually as bad as Chris R. said, or if he was just the victim of the classic pit-a-white-guy-against-a-black-guy-to-improve-ratings technique. But if I'm being honest, he did seem like a snake in the grass.

Then again he had a cool accent. But who eats 14 eggs a day? Psychopaths, that's who.

9. Blake, Sales Rep

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Blake must have gone to the Dwight Schrute School of Hard Knocks because boy does he know how to sit on a fence. He interjected himself into the Chris-Lincoln fued, stealthily slithered his way out of it by talking out of both sides of his mouth, and still managed to finesse a rose from Becca.

I see right through you, Blake.

8. Mike, Sports Analyst

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These next two guys are only here because I'm pretty sure that they weren't in the episode that I watched, but the website says they're still in it. I'm just listing them alphabetically.

That being said, Mike looks like a Fabio impersonator.

7. Ryan, Banjoist (Not joking)

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And Ryan looks like Jared Kushner.

6. Connor, Fitness Coach

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Connor was definitely in the episode but might as well not have been. He really didn't do anything, except for correctly predict that he would get sent home because he had never had a one-on-one with Becca.

He should change his description to "Connor, Psychic".

5. Jason, Sr. Corporate Banker

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Jason seemed like a decent guy, but he comes in at five for two reasons. One, he kind of looks like Crispin Glover in Willard.

Two, I guarantee that, given his look and occupation, this guy gets Barstool updates on his phone regularly.

4. Garrett, Medical Sales Rep

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Garrett, Garrett, Garrett.

Garrett actually seemed pretty cool, but is obviously not super bright. He kept referring to Becca's state of mind as her "head state" which I don't think is a real phrase.

Or maybe it is. And maybe Garett's a genius. Like I said, I've only seen one episode.

3. Wills, Graphic Designer

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Wills's bio says "graphic designer" but his mustache says "1980s pornstar".

But he's extremely charming and also has a great name.

2. Colton, Former Football Player

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Colton? I know Colton! You know Colton! We all know Colton!

Colton briefly dated Aly Raisman, remember?

Anyways, he's one of the few guys who didn't get involved in other people's business. He's also a former athlete, super nice, and (dare I say it) very handsome. Moreover, Becca says he treats her like a queen.

It's just to know that somebody in the NFL actually respects women.

1. Leo, Stuntman

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At first, I saw Leo, read his occupation, and though "yeah right". Go home Constantine Maroulis!

But order me a t-shirt, because after two hours, I am officially on Team Leo. He was funny, he was nice, and believe it or not, he didn't spend two hours talking about himself. He went on his one-on-one date, he and Becca did some shucking, and he came home and just sat on the couch like a normal human being.

LEO! LEO! LEO!

All of that being said, I think we can all agree that no matter how great these guys are, they're no Peter. Man, I miss Peter!

Stay tuned for next week when I review "The Proposal," because I just watched a 30-year-old man propose to a college senior after knowing her for five minutes, and there's no way I'm not tearing that to shreds.

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A Beginner's Guide to Milwaukee Sports

Part I: The Bucks

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Being a college student in Milwaukee has its perks, especially for sports fans. Now, while some may have brought their hometown teams to college, others (myself included) may have warmed up to the Cream City teams without knowing much about them. If this is the case for you, then these pointers can help you start enjoying Milwaukee basketball without looking and sounding like a bandwagon fan.

Quick History

www.nba.com

Here are some facts about the Bucks that can make you feel more knowledgeable about the franchise:

- They have only won one championship (back in 1971) and have lost one NBA Finals series (1974) (Land of Basketball)

- They have only had one* MVP-caliber player in Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (#33) during the 1971, 1972, and 1974 seasons (Land of Basketball)

- Other Notable Players Include: Oscar Robertson (#1), Sidney Moncrief (#4), Jon McGlocklin (#14) and Ray Allen (#34) (Land of Basketball)

*Giannis Antetokounmpo may win the MVP award this year

sited: https://www.landofbasketball.com/teams/milwaukee_bucks.htm

Gear Up

https://twitter.com/bucksproshop/status/982026548705415168

This one is a bit of a no-brainer. Wearing team's colors or spirit wear is a must, especially if you're going to a game. Most items like hats and t-shirts are perfectly acceptable, and these are great if you're not trying to break the bank. Buying your gear from a sporting goods store will usually be cheaper than buying them from the team store (the main one of which is located in Fiserv Forum). Most online stores like NBA.com, Fanatics, Fansedge, and sometimes even the team's online store will have sales on sports gear, so getting a good deal on team wear is always a plus!

A Word of Caution: Jerseys

All three of these players are not part of the 2018-2019 roster and #77 and #3 have been reused by current players Ersan Ilyasova (#77) and George Hill (#3)

www.nba.com

If you're willing to go the extra mile, buying a jersey can really get you into locked in and pumped for the live action. However, it should be kept in mind that official Nike NBA jerseys range from $110-$250, so they definitely are an investment. While there are other options available like the FastBreak jerseys by Fanatics, they are a simpler (still official) knockoff of the Nike jerseys. Also; beware buying sale jerseys. There are usually three reasons why jerseys are ever on sale (aside from a storewide sale): a player is injured, a player doesn't play much and is about to be traded, or a player has been traded. While there is nothing wrong with having the jersey of a player who went on to another team (like Kareem and Allen), you are not exactly going to get brownie points for wearing a Jabari Parker or a Thon Maker jersey anytime soon.

Know The Current Squad

Fiserv Forum, Home of the Milwaukee Bucks

www.nba.com

Everyone in Milwaukee has heard of Giannis Antetokounmpo, but who else is part of the supporting cast?

Starting Five for the 2018-2019 Milwaukee Bucks (Basketball Reference):

- #6 Eric Bledsoe at Point Guard

- #13 Malcolm "The President" Brogdon at Shooting Guard

- #22 Khris "Money" Middleton at Small Forward

- #34 Giannis "The Greek Freak" Antetokounmpo at Power Forward

- #11 Brook "Splash Mountain" Lopez at Center

Student Perk

www.nba.com

Using your university email, you can get special discount ticket offers for home games by signing up for the Bucks' Student Rush Program. Tickets usually start at $15 per ticket, and the seats available may depend on who the Bucks are playing (and how well they are doing during the season).

Get Involved and Have Fun!

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Don't be afraid to get into it! The Bucks are an amazing team to watch and they love Bucks Nation. In addition to cheering at games, going to team events and player appearances can be great ways to make memories and even get an autograph or two!

Are You a Bucks Fan Now?🦌

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I think Giannis would agree!

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