A Definitive Ranking Of America's Chocolate Milk Brands

A Definitive Ranking Of America's Chocolate Milk Brands

For all of my fellow chocolate milk enthusiasts, this list is for you.
25467
views

As a chocolate milk enthusiast, I have had my fair share of many different kinds of "choccy milk," as the memers like to say. For this list, I've ranked the best chocolate milks to the worst ones. I obviously couldn't get every single chocolate milk brand, but I did go out of my way to find the ones I had not yet had. I truly wish I could try every chocolate milk out there. At restaurants, if chocolate milk is a choice, I always buy it just to see for myself how good it is. Sometimes those chocolate milks cost three dollars, maybe more, but it's the one bougie thing I won't back down from. I also had a very hard time because there are so many awesome local brands of chocolate milk which are usually right up there, close to #1, so just give them the disclaimer that local brands are great quality chocolate milks.

So, in this list, I'll discuss price if necessary, creaminess, chocolatiness, and thickness. Is chocolatiness a word? I don't care. Is there a difference between creaminess and thickness? Yes, there is. Will I discuss the health side of these brands? Absolutely not. Completely irrelevant. I also might discuss their actual branding as well, because some of them really drop the ball.

So, here are the best to worst chocolate milk brands that I have ever tried.

1. Prairie Farms

Prairie Farms has always been there for us and it has never disappointed. I used to drink at least a pint of Prairie Farms chocolate milk every day during my sophomore year of college. My dorm was right above a little market where I could buy one little pint. On my way back from class or work, on my way to watch a movie with friends? I always stopped in and used my dining dollars on the beautiful, perfectly rich chocolate milk. Not only is it delicious, but its' reasonably priced. Prairie Farms is first on the list not only because my heart lies with this brand, but because the chocolate milk (1% or 2%!) is the perfect amount of chocolatiness, the perfect creaminess, simply the perfect brand. Prairie Farms is the superior chocolate milk brand (but much to my dismay, my university switched from Prairie Farms to the worst brand, which you can see at the bottom of this list).


2. Promised Land


I stumbled upon this brand at Kroger one day, and as a chocolate milk enthusiast, I of course had to try it. The chocolate milk was so pure and chocolatey and creamy. The reason why it's #2 though, is that I felt it was almost too creamy at times. When I buy chocolate milk that's smaller than a half gallon, I intend on drinking it all in one sitting. This brand I had to pause myself due to its thickness. Nonetheless, it was quite delicious and when I'm at Meijer or Kroger (who don't sell Prairie Farms) I gladly buy a bottle. Promised Land is also very wholesomely made and has no artificial colors or hormones. For a quart, it is not too overpriced for the quality of the richness you get. Promised Land is always there for you when Prairie Farms is not.

3. Fairlife


One thing I like about Fairlife is that on their website they have "testimonials." Yes, I have submitted a testimonial. Hopefully, it's published by the time you read this. The price is reasonable for the quality. I thought the thickness was good, because as you know by now I like to drink a lot of chocolate milk in one sitting but if it is too thick then I cannot and that is saddening. So, the thickness was excellent. Best feature. I thought the chocolatiness was good too, almost unique, like what type of chocolate do they use, you know? The creaminess could've been a little creamier, though. Slightly watery but still the other redeeming qualities brought me back. Good job Fairlife.

4. Great Value


Great Value is Walmart brand, and so you're just as surprised as me that it's ranked #4. It's the perfect amount of chocolatiness and is creamy in all the right ways. It could be a little thicker, but surprisingly this generic brand of chocolate milk is really good. To me, a lot of generic brand products are way more delicious than you would think at first. Since this is Walmart brand too, then it's incredibly convenient to buy and it's really well priced. You can't buy it in a smaller bottle so this is usually my go-to for milk I want to buy in bulk. 8.5/10 Walmart.


5. Shamrock Farms

This brand I often buy at Subway or a donut shop. The bottles tend to be small in the most convenient places to purchase this brand, which is an issue because of course I love to drink lots of chocolate milk, but also because I feel as though I don't get the whole experience of this chocolate milk and I don't have enough to really appreciate it. So, I usually get two bottles. Anyway, my sister proclaimed to me once that this was the best chocolate milk she's ever had (you're wrong Stacie), but I must agree it's rather delicious. It is as thick and creamy as Prairie Farms but not the same type of chocolatiness I must say. It's chocolatey, but it's almost like a different chocolate brand or something. Very peculiar but still delicious to go with my subs from Subway. Also, they're famous for hosting tours for schools where you can get free samples of their chocolate milk, and we all know free stuff is the best stuff. And education is important too I suppose.

6. Nesquik


I don't know what it is about this brand. It's almost too sweet. There's always this weird twang about it. It's very similar to the next brand, but one thing that gives it the x-factor is its chocolate milk mix. The chocolate powder from Nesquik you mix in with milk is really good. Some people just suck at making chocolate milk, but Nesquik mix is so awesomely priced (I always buy the biggest container) and it's a great back up for when I run out of Prairie Farms. But again, the individual bottles and what not just have this weird sweetness to them that just doesn't do it for me. Their strawberry milk is actually really good, probably because of that sweetness thing going on. I used to drink this a lot as a kid too, so maybe my sweet tooth has been deteriorated. Who knows?

7. Hershey's


This is pretty much similar to Nesquik. There's some weird sweetness to this brand and it's also too chocolatey. Like, we get it, it's a chocolate brand, not a milk brand, but it's still too chocolatey. Their chocolate syrup is decent enough to make chocolate milk, though. It doesn't mix as well as the Nesquik mix, but still good. Hershey's chocolate syrup actually really saved me when I worked at a sweet shop and wanted some chocolate milk. I drank that just about every day. So for that I'm thankful. But the actual chocolate milk is inferior. Plus, I don't like the way the bottles look at all. I'm kind of a minimalist, and I tend to not like bottles where the wrapper covers the whole bottle. It just doesn't do it for me so the physical appearance of the chocolate milk literally turns me away. I would gladly design a new look, though. Just saying, Hershey's.

8. TruMoo

Trash. Literal trash. If you like water that's probably got a little dirt in it mixed with more dirt, then you'll get yourself TruMoo. TruMoo is Dean's if you didn't know, and I think one of the many reasons why I hate TruMoo is because Dean's used to have delicious chocolate milk. I remember in middle school I would always buy one of those giant bottles of Dean's chocolate milk (the ones that are still featured on the side of their truck by the way, how misleading) and a sprinkled donut from Marsh. Then they decided to go to TruMoo, which I hate the name of anyway. There is not truth in this milk anywhere. Garbage!

This is the milk that my university decided to replace Prairie Farms with. Junior year I lived in the same dorm but no Prairie Farms. So I actually ended up drinking more soda because they had good cherry Coke (wait for that article), and I always want something with flavor but not flavored water, so - I actually had to go to the gym. All because of TruMoo and their disgusting, putrid blend. It literally tastes like water with Nesquik mix. Don't believe me? Trust me, I tried that and no surprise - it tastes like TruMoo! I don't know what happened, but TruMoo is a monstrosity. I have a personal vendetta against the Dean's corporation. If they don't make their chocolate milk better (because it's sold everywhere!) then I will find one way or another to ruin them. And I want the company to take my comments seriously. I don't actually want the company to fail. Trust me! I want it to be better because I know it can. I have faith in Dean's, but by god if they don't put out some decent chocolate milk then whatever future of failure is their own fault. Yeah. It is.

Do you have a favorite chocolate milk not on the list? Share in the comments below!


Cover Image Credit: AP Stock

Popular Right Now

​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.
198891
views

Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:” Line Matters,

I want to start off by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can’t afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you’re just lazy and you “don’t feel like it”? Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you’re unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the US Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck.” stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:” line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can’t seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to ten people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!”

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the seventeen other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there’s a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 dollar bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of ten times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession - whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food, and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a forty dollar bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes - as if you’re better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you’ll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

'Everything In Moderation' Is Probably The Best Thing Your Mom Ever Told You

Cheating only counts in relationships and tests - not food.

204
views

It's summer again, which means it's that time of the year when basically everyone says they're going to go on some sort of diet to get the perfect beach body.

I mean, it certainly is easy to entertain the thought when you're most likely going to be spending your days lounging by the pool or running around on the beach. I've certainly been guilty of this mentality, and I don't think trying to look your best is a problem within itself, but I do think the quick timespan a lot of people want to reach their goal in may be. It can get especially bad when people attempt to cut out all sugar, carbs, gluten, or whatever in their last ditch effort to drop a few pounds. Didn't anyone ever tell them you can have everything in moderation?

I've tried many times to cut out bad foods, only eating healthy foods and then counting the calories in them. Sometimes this would be successful, and other times it wouldn't be. Most of the time, my downfall would be a sugar craving, which then turned into a sugar binge.

I think depriving myself of what I really wanted just made everything worse in the end. Moral of the story: if you're craving something, just eat it- everything is okay to have in moderation. I finally figured out that being healthy is a mix of eating the right foods, working out, and also giving your body what it wants. It's okay to have that brownie after dinner, as long as you don't overdo it. If you deprive yourself and try to satisfy your craving with something you don't really want, you're just going to end up feeling sad and unsatisfied.

I remember one time I was trying to stay on a diet and not eat anything "bad" or sugary, so instead of eating the ice cream I really wanted, I settled for a sad little rice cake with almond butter - which does taste really good, too, don't get me wrong - but it's just not the same as ice cream and it honestly never will be.

Because I didn't eat what I really wanted, I ended up still craving something sweet and ate a bunch of cookies I had laying around in my kitchen. If I'd just had a little bit of ice cream when I wanted it, I wouldn't have eaten the rice cake, plus the almond butter, plus the cookies, and I would have felt satisfied and ultimately better.

Basically what I'm trying to say here is to give your body the food it wants when it's craving it, as long as it's a healthy serving for your body and you balance it with a healthy lifestyle. Eating everything in moderation will honestly keep your body feeling good and healthy. This is a way better alternative to feeling sad and hungry when restricting yourself on a diet. If you listen to your body and take care of it the right way for yourself, there's no way you won't feel happy and confident this swimsuit season.

Cover Image Credit:

c1.staticflickr.com

Related Content

Facebook Comments