As a chocolate milk enthusiast, I have had my fair share of many different kinds of "choccy milk," as the memers like to say. For this list, I've ranked the best chocolate milks to the worst ones. I obviously couldn't get every single chocolate milk brand, but I did go out of my way to find the ones I had not yet had. I truly wish I could try every chocolate milk out there. At restaurants, if chocolate milk is a choice, I always buy it just to see for myself how good it is. Sometimes those chocolate milks cost three dollars, maybe more, but it's the one bougie thing I won't back down from. I also had a very hard time because there are so many awesome local brands of chocolate milk which are usually right up there, close to #1, so just give them the disclaimer that local brands are great quality chocolate milks.
So, in this list, I'll discuss price if necessary, creaminess, chocolatiness, and thickness. Is chocolatiness a word? I don't care. Is there a difference between creaminess and thickness? Yes, there is. Will I discuss the health side of these brands? Absolutely not. Completely irrelevant. I also might discuss their actual branding as well, because some of them really drop the ball.
So, here are the best to worst chocolate milk brands that I have ever tried.
1. Prairie Farms
Prairie Farms has always been there for us and it has never disappointed. I used to drink at least a pint of Prairie Farms chocolate milk every day during my sophomore year of college. My dorm was right above a little market where I could buy one little pint. On my way back from class or work, on my way to watch a movie with friends? I always stopped in and used my dining dollars on the beautiful, perfectly rich chocolate milk. Not only is it delicious, but its' reasonably priced. Prairie Farms is first on the list not only because my heart lies with this brand, but because the chocolate milk (1% or 2%!) is the perfect amount of chocolatiness, the perfect creaminess, simply the perfect brand. Prairie Farms is the superior chocolate milk brand (but much to my dismay, my university switched from Prairie Farms to the worst brand, which you can see at the bottom of this list).
2. Promised Land
I stumbled upon this brand at Kroger one day, and as a chocolate milk enthusiast, I of course had to try it. The chocolate milk was so pure and chocolatey and creamy. The reason why it's #2 though, is that I felt it was almost too creamy at times. When I buy chocolate milk that's smaller than a half gallon, I intend on drinking it all in one sitting. This brand I had to pause myself due to its thickness. Nonetheless, it was quite delicious and when I'm at Meijer or Kroger (who don't sell Prairie Farms) I gladly buy a bottle. Promised Land is also very wholesomely made and has no artificial colors or hormones. For a quart, it is not too overpriced for the quality of the richness you get. Promised Land is always there for you when Prairie Farms is not.
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One thing I like about Fairlife is that on their website they have "testimonials." Yes, I have submitted a testimonial. Hopefully, it's published by the time you read this. The price is reasonable for the quality. I thought the thickness was good, because as you know by now I like to drink a lot of chocolate milk in one sitting but if it is too thick then I cannot and that is saddening. So, the thickness was excellent. Best feature. I thought the chocolatiness was good too, almost unique, like what type of chocolate do they use, you know? The creaminess could've been a little creamier, though. Slightly watery but still the other redeeming qualities brought me back. Good job Fairlife.
4. Great Value
Great Value is Walmart brand, and so you're just as surprised as me that it's ranked #4. It's the perfect amount of chocolatiness and is creamy in all the right ways. It could be a little thicker, but surprisingly this generic brand of chocolate milk is really good. To me, a lot of generic brand products are way more delicious than you would think at first. Since this is Walmart brand too, then it's incredibly convenient to buy and it's really well priced. You can't buy it in a smaller bottle so this is usually my go-to for milk I want to buy in bulk. 8.5/10 Walmart.
5. Shamrock Farms
This brand I often buy at Subway or a donut shop. The bottles tend to be small in the most convenient places to purchase this brand, which is an issue because of course I love to drink lots of chocolate milk, but also because I feel as though I don't get the whole experience of this chocolate milk and I don't have enough to really appreciate it. So, I usually get two bottles. Anyway, my sister proclaimed to me once that this was the best chocolate milk she's ever had (you're wrong Stacie), but I must agree it's rather delicious. It is as thick and creamy as Prairie Farms but not the same type of chocolatiness I must say. It's chocolatey, but it's almost like a different chocolate brand or something. Very peculiar but still delicious to go with my subs from Subway. Also, they're famous for hosting tours for schools where you can get free samples of their chocolate milk, and we all know free stuff is the best stuff. And education is important too I suppose.
I don't know what it is about this brand. It's almost too sweet. There's always this weird twang about it. It's very similar to the next brand, but one thing that gives it the x-factor is its chocolate milk mix. The chocolate powder from Nesquik you mix in with milk is really good. Some people just suck at making chocolate milk, but Nesquik mix is so awesomely priced (I always buy the biggest container) and it's a great back up for when I run out of Prairie Farms. But again, the individual bottles and what not just have this weird sweetness to them that just doesn't do it for me. Their strawberry milk is actually really good, probably because of that sweetness thing going on. I used to drink this a lot as a kid too, so maybe my sweet tooth has been deteriorated. Who knows?
This is pretty much similar to Nesquik. There's some weird sweetness to this brand and it's also too chocolatey. Like, we get it, it's a chocolate brand, not a milk brand, but it's still too chocolatey. Their chocolate syrup is decent enough to make chocolate milk, though. It doesn't mix as well as the Nesquik mix, but still good. Hershey's chocolate syrup actually really saved me when I worked at a sweet shop and wanted some chocolate milk. I drank that just about every day. So for that I'm thankful. But the actual chocolate milk is inferior. Plus, I don't like the way the bottles look at all. I'm kind of a minimalist, and I tend to not like bottles where the wrapper covers the whole bottle. It just doesn't do it for me so the physical appearance of the chocolate milk literally turns me away. I would gladly design a new look, though. Just saying, Hershey's.
Trash. Literal trash. If you like water that's probably got a little dirt in it mixed with more dirt, then you'll get yourself TruMoo. TruMoo is Dean's if you didn't know, and I think one of the many reasons why I hate TruMoo is because Dean's used to have delicious chocolate milk. I remember in middle school I would always buy one of those giant bottles of Dean's chocolate milk (the ones that are still featured on the side of their truck by the way, how misleading) and a sprinkled donut from Marsh. Then they decided to go to TruMoo, which I hate the name of anyway. There is not truth in this milk anywhere. Garbage!
This is the milk that my university decided to replace Prairie Farms with. Junior year I lived in the same dorm but no Prairie Farms. So I actually ended up drinking more soda because they had good cherry Coke (wait for that article), and I always want something with flavor but not flavored water, so - I actually had to go to the gym. All because of TruMoo and their disgusting, putrid blend. It literally tastes like water with Nesquik mix. Don't believe me? Trust me, I tried that and no surprise - it tastes like TruMoo! I don't know what happened, but TruMoo is a monstrosity. I have a personal vendetta against the Dean's corporation. If they don't make their chocolate milk better (because it's sold everywhere!) then I will find one way or another to ruin them. And I want the company to take my comments seriously. I don't actually want the company to fail. Trust me! I want it to be better because I know it can. I have faith in Dean's, but by god if they don't put out some decent chocolate milk then whatever future of failure is their own fault. Yeah. It is.
Do you have a favorite chocolate milk not on the list? Share in the comments below!