The topic of death is dark, morbid, mysterious, and unsettling for many, but I'm just keeping it real with death and how it makes me feel. I know we all have our expectations of dying, and since we don't know how it'll go down for sure until, well, we do die, here is what I think: we are all dying and as I'm writing this article, the idea of death is in my head and has been for a while; not in a suicidal way, but as something that is very real and unexpected.

I was on my way home from class one night, and all I could think about was the worst case scenario: it was rainy, the roads were wet, I was listening to The Smiths, and at that moment idea of death hit me. It seemed almost blissful.

How long is death? How long is the actual process of dying? Well, this obviously depends on the situation at hand. What do we think about while we are dying? I'm sure the cliche thing would be our family, close friends, pets, and/or anything you feel a connection of love and happiness to. I've asked myself this question here and there, as a way to control my thoughts and be realistic about it in real life.

Sure, seeing visions of loved ones in your head as you're taking your last breath seems like the ideal way to go, but we live in a day and age where responsibilities pile up even after you're six feet under and the last sprinkles of dirt are hitting your eternal resting place. Is there anything embarrassing in your search history that you wouldn't want people to see as they go through your phone or laptop? I'm not kidding either. These are things we need to worry about now. If only we lived in simpler times...

Current Search History on my iPhone:

- Hamlet quotes
- Camera obscura
- How long can you drive for when your gas light turns on?
- Celebrity vampires (you know, those photos of celebs like Keanu Reeves or Pharrell doppelgängers from like a hundred years ago)
- Lana del Rey ultraviolence
- The Strokes (always on the lookout for tour dates)
- DIY face mask

My laptop is a whole other darkness. I won't even bother to check the search history there, especially since I share it with my mother at the moment. I can only imagine it is flooded with endless Pinterest pages and a few celebrity searches. The other night she told me she was googling "how tall is [insert random celebrity]?" but I digress.

The point I'm making is that it may be a wise decision to clear your search history once in a while or use the incognito option if you're looking at some questionable or shady shit. I mean, do you really want those close to you opening your devices and seeing a shit ton of searches for cumshots or the homoerotic undertones in Frankenstein? (For academic purposes, of course.) Didn't think so.

Here's a vain thought: I only look like myself when I wear makeup and although this is a whole other topic that I will eventually write about someday soon, I've always thought about what I would look like at my funeral if

1. My face is still intact
and
2. There is an open casket.

Will my eyebrows be filled in a certain way? And, I mean, the only acceptable way. Please, no blocky brows. Will my lipstick compliment my dull, pale, lifeless skin? I prefer warmer tones. Will my eyeliner wing be as black and sharp in death too? *inserts "sharp enough to kill" joke here* These are the most superficial death questions which may say a lot about my personality, but can a girl look good one last time? Is that too much to ask?

I've also thought about my funeral multiple times and each time, I imagine some over-the-top spectacle with excessive amounts of candles and white roses. Kind of like that scene in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet when young Leonardo DiCaprio/Romeo enters the cathedral and sees Claire Danes/Juliet's body surrounded by candles and neon crosses. I draw the line at neon crosses, but you get the idea. Then I would have all of my friends, dressed in chic little black dresses and killer eyewear, carry my casket to the gravesite and it would be like some dark, macabre, fashion editorial. No one is crying for me.

Death is inevitable and unless I find some sort of blood disease that would make me live and stay young forever a la Lady Gaga's character in American Horror Story: Hotel, I have accepted it already. Death can also be a beautiful thing, and I know that sounds cliche and you're probably rolling your eyes right now, but listen: think about all of the things causing you pain and stress right now and then imagine a life without them. Now go deeper and imagine a life without consciousness.

There you go. Doesn't it feel relieving already? Okay, maybe not, but there aren't any loans you need to pay off in the afterlife, unless you sold your soul to Satan for a closet full of Dolce and Gabbana and Saint Laurent like I have tried to so many times. And people always wonder what their funerals would be like and who would show up and cry for them, but does it even matter if you're not there to see it? No. Nothing matters anymore. Now go back to those cumshot videos, but do yourself a favor and clear your search history.