As I’ve Aged, I’ve Found That Motivational Sayings And Encouragements Are Just Empty Words

As I’ve Aged, I’ve Found That Motivational Sayings And Encouragements Are Just Empty Words

Getting things off my chest.

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It's strange to me that this writing has been on my mind for so long, and yet I don't know what I actually want to write about.

I have been feeling all sorts of emotions lately. I don't have the skill to put into words everything I feel. However, the only word that comes close is empty. I feel empty.

It's unusual for me to feel upset this time of the year. While some are feeling the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder, I'm just keeping busy with the extra demands I put on myself and making plans for my birthday.

This year though, I don't know what I feel. This isn't even a milestone birthday coming up, I'm just turning 38, so I don't think my birthday is what is bothering me.

As I age though, sayings and encouragements that may once have helped me through something don't help anymore. "You're valid even if you're XYZ," " You matter," "It gets better," and "It's never too late." The thing is, I don't feel valid. I never have felt valid. I don't matter. It really DOESN'T get better. And there IS such thing as too late for things.

I get so tired of only being able to show one part of myself everywhere I go. I feel trapped in my own life instead of free to live it. I know why some things hold me back, but people trample those things instead of helping me find ways to still live my life even with my self imposed limitations.

Perfect example, my spirituality. Oh, the arguments against ANY kind of spiritual thought are overrun in this society. "I don't believe in an invisible man in the sky," or "I don't base my life off of something that doesn't exist," or "I don't let religion run my life," and so on. I will never understand the casual acceptance of bashing a core part of others' upbringing, but I digress. I can put my demisexuality or my leanings towards monogamy or my leanings towards polyfidelity in place of my spirituality and those society built roadblocks won't change.

The first thing said to this is, "Don't listen to them. Follow the path that feels right to you." This is another thing that could've helped once upon a time. It doesn't work for me anymore. I can't just NOT listen to other people. The world doesn't revolve around me. Its all frustratingly empty words against walking in the world and experiencing these feelings first hand.

I swear one day I'll be old and gray and wondering how life passed me by so fast. I feel so selfish. Every day, those around me are gifted incredible opportunities and fortunes. The bits of contentment I've been hoping for and working towards my whole life CONSTANTLY evade me. When will it finally be my turn? And will it never be my turn because I'm chasing what isn't really meant for me?

Those I remember just being born are now grown and on paths I never dreamed for myself, but yet it just falls in their laps. Everything I use to love and remember is gone. Being torn down, then rebooted into a horrible version of itself disguised as reboots. I feel like a mime in one of those invisible boxes they pantomime themselves in during one of their acts. Watching the world but held back by some invisible access barrier that I can't find the knob to.

I wish I knew where I was going with this piece. I wish I could figure out exactly what I'm going through. I wish I could stop going through it. In understanding my limitations, perhaps I could finally be able to move forward.

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Embrace Growing Up, Because It Really Is A Time For Growth

This is what we were all waiting for as a kid, wasn't it? Growing up.

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When I moved to college, I didn't expect my life to change so fast in such a short amount of time. I finally had more independence, and more freedom to do the things I've always wanted to do. I met so many new people, some of whom have become my closest friends now. My relationship with my family changed, and they started treating me as more of an adult.

It's a scary thing - growing up. You start realizing that things that once were, no longer are. Old friends come and go, and new ones come to take their place. Home doesn't feel like home anymore, because so much has changed. Everything you once thought about the world changes, and you're finally beginning to see through your own eyes instead of through another's.

People start treating you differently. You're no longer a helpless child who needs constant guidance from others to find their way in life. You're beginning to learn on your own, figuring out who you are and what you want from life.

Sometimes, growing up can feel overwhelming. You have all these new responsibilities and are now more in charge of taking care of yourself, whether it's learning how to cook, or handling your own money, or confronting issues in relationships. You can't hide behind your parents anymore, it's all up to you now.

When you realize you're growing up, you have to learn how to embrace it. It's okay to be afraid and even I am afraid at times. But it's a learning process, a time for growth, and a time for you to find yourself and develop who you want to be.

You'll face challenges that will allow you to step out of your comfort zone, you'll find yourself involved in conflicts that will allow you to shape your own resolutions, and you'll start taking on more responsibilities and learn how to prioritize your time.

Embrace growing up. It's a part of life. Make the best out of everything you do, because you never know where you may end up, but this is a time for you to find yourself.

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