I've been alive for 20 years now, so needless to say, I've been through a lot. A lot is even an understatement. With everything I've gone through, I struggled with a lot of uncertainty, doubt, and conflict especially when it came to the parenting styles of my parents. For those of you who know me, you may know that I am basically my mom's clone, and my dad and I could not be more opposite of each other. When my parents got divorced when I was 11 years old, it was a rough time for me. I thought I needed the tactics of one of my parents, but I now realize that I really needed the tactics of the other parent.
When it comes to parenting skills and choices, I think it's obvious to say that my parents are polar opposites in that ball park--my mom being more strict and parent-like, and my dad being more easy going and friend-like. I have needed both in my life to bring me where I am today. There have been times where I have needed both of my parent's parenting tactics, but one more than the other has reigned supreme in making me the person that I am today.
Let's start things off with how my dad had raised me. As I said before, my dad tried to raise me more like I was his friend than his daughter. He did have some discipline towards me, but eight times out of 10, he acted more like a friend towards me. He was not the kind of friend that was a good example towards me either. He was more of the kind of friend that you would hang around in high school that did all of the things you really should not. The kind of friend you would hang out with because you thought they would give you more status in the social pyramid. When my parents first got divorced and my mom moved my sister and I completely across the country, I resented my mom for moving me away from my dad. However, now I realize that she was moving me away from someone that probably would have encouraged me to do more things that would harm me than do me good.
My mom, on the other hand, was and is probably one of the strictest parents I have ever met. While my dad had little discipline and rules, my mom had enough for the both of them combined. I remember resenting the fact that my mom was so strict, even in my teen years, but I now thank her for being the way she is because it made me the person I am today.
At the end of the day, I feel like I needed both of my parents ways of being raised to find exactly who I am. I haven't had the best life, nor have I made the smartest decisions. But after it all, I was raised by two completely different people and I'm proud of it.
