These are some of the many things that I have heard in my first year of college. These quotes have come from strangers, professors, preachers and friends. The fun part is guessing who said what. I started writing things down that stood out to me in the fall, and have kept it up ever since then. None of these quotes were said by me, or reflect any personal views of my own. They are out of context, serious, ridiculous, and the reason why I love my friends, enjoy.

1. "Gratitude isn't a duty, it's the key to joy."

2. *Looks at Russian Hamster* "It's my spirit animal."

3. "The people who don't get lost are the people that never get anywhere."

4. "It's not enough to pull people out of the raging stream. You have to walk up river and see who is throwing them in, in the first place."

5. *while taking off make-up* "I'MMM SOOO FAKKKEEE."

6. "The only ones that have a say in the issue are hermaphrodites. I don't know if they are gipped or just gifted."

7. "No Suzanne, I never thought 'hmmm... Donald Trump would be the president of the United States of America,' BUT HERE WE ARE!!''

8. "On the black side of my family, my cousin Antawansia.."

9. "Only sluts and whores get their noses pierced."

10. "It wasn't Methodist.... but it was still really fun."

11. "Girls do whatever they want because... *censor*.... fashion."

12. "I was so confused when I saw the interpreter on the first day of class. I was looking at him like 'is anyone else noticing this?"

13. *wakes up at 3:41 am*"It just makes me happy to know that my eyebrows are on point."

14. "I don't know if I want to look like a confused heterosexual boy or a feminine homosexual man."

15. "If I get diagnosed with something you can believe I am winning the special Olympics."

16. *standing over kraft box mac-n-cheese* "well... I've been slaving over this stove for a good 20 minutes."

17. "If I was God, I would kill so many people."

18. "I like my women like I like my brownies, dense and oily."

19. "She's trying to be the black Betty Crocker."

20. "Jesus is invited, but not the guest of honor."

21. *looks at a group of kids on campus* "They don't seem like people of the Lord."

22. "You say 'right there' and look out the window. Girly, out there is the whole *censor* *censor* world.”

23. "You're acting out of the scope of reasonableness."

24. *looks around and notices there are mostly white people sitting at the table* "I bring culture to this group."

25. "Oh. My. God. Find Jesus, it's Easter weekend."

26. "Microaggression"

27. "Is it bad that I love ruining marriages."