Recently I came across a widely spread Odyssey article, by Kayla Ratajczak.

Consider this an open letter response to that article:

Kayla,

First and foremost, know that I was raised thinking and feeling very similarly to you- Cover up and have some pride in yourself, ladies. There is no need for those kinds of bikinis or public displays. Why is this acceptable? Or, in your own words-

“Although I know many women this summer will not be listening to my advice, however, for those of you who do, thank you for showing respect to your bodies as well as yourselves.”

Women who cover up have more respect for themselves - I so understand this realm of thinking, and deeply related to it… until recently.

May I offer a rebuttal?

Here it goes....

To Girls Wearing “Cheeky” Bathing Suit Bottoms, Keep Bein’ You:

Girls, I admire your confidence, I admire your ability to love the skin you’re in, I admire YOU.

From a girl you grew up always wanting to feel that comfortable in her own skin- you are a kick ass example of the confidence I’ve always wanted to have.

I was 20 before I put on my first bikini- partially because I wasn’t allowed to, but mostly because I had no idea how to be comfortable in my skin and love it enough to wear what I wanted. I'm learned how to value myself without finding identity in how I viewed my body... But, I also found much value in learning to embrace by body and love it.

Being raised in a conservative, religious, Midwestern atmosphere, bikinis were a taboo no-no. I always have viewed them the same as you, Kayla. However, as I've grown into more of an individual, I've learned to see that the amount of one’s ass showing, or not showing, in no way dictates how much respect said person has for themselves.

If respect is equivalent to how much skin you have covered, how come I had zero respect for myself? I mean, I was certainly modest enough, but feeling the need to hide everything fostered a shame deep within me that has taken years to peel off. I wouldn’t say that was very respectful (or healthy, good, or honoring.)

I think a better way to invite your children into this conversation is to show them that their body is neither strictly to be hidden nor ridiculously flaunted, but to give them a clear view. So, yes, I would argue that women in cheeky bathing suits DO, in fact, know they are around children. I believe they are teaching those children to know that:

A) Bodies are not objects... they are the shells we do life in.

B) Why be ashamed of that shell?

Kayla, it DOES teach them dignity. It teaches them how to carry themselves with pride, and self-assurance.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to respect and appreciate those who think differently than me, without assuming their motives.

It’s your body, your skin, your life. Live it the best you can, with every opportunity you can.

This is the exact statement you knew people would come back with- and your reasoning for not feeling that way being:

"...do you often see men roaming around in a speedo to attract attention? The answer to that question is obviously no. Therefore, why do women feel the need to succumb to showing more and more skin each year to attract attention?"

Who the hell said it was for attention?

I, for one, hate any attention being drawn toward me physically. So, me putting a bikini on for the first time was in NO WAY for anyone's attention. It was for me. I did it as a "marker" of sorts, showing myself it was okay to feel good in my skin. Own my body. Love who I am.

While I value being raised to know my value outside of my body, I also wish I would've learned how to feel good in my skin sooner.

Putting a bikini on wasn't the "Ta-Da" moment that made everything finally click- but certainly was a moment of "My body is showing and hell hasn't frozen over... maybe this is okay."

Let me say this in closing, I am not telling everyone to go put on the skimpiest bathing suit they can find.

I'm not saying one is over the other in terms of "better for women".

I am saying, respect yourself- whatever that looks like to you.

I am saying there's a right choice for everyone, and not everyone's selection will match yours, and that is okay.

I am saying that maybe we should keep our noses to ourselves and perhaps let others live a life they feel comfortable with. Just as you live a life you are comfortable with.

So, women, love yourselves; that is the bottom line.

If you love yourself better in a one piece and shorts- own it.

If you love yourself better in a bikini that some call a little “cheeky,” rock it.

As for me, you’ll find me wearing whatever I please, as should you.