The phenomenon of the TCK or Third Culture kid is one that has significantly grown in the 21st century. With a vast improvement in travel and an increasing need for more people to travel for work, the world sometimes feels the way Disney always likes to remind us it is: Small. So this increase of children being raised outside of a culture that is different from the one their parents grew up in is becoming less of a phenomenon and more of a natural part of life. Chances are you know at least one person, if not many, who have had a confusing upbringing like this. So for the benefit of all of you non-TCK-ers out there, I have created a list of questions that we hate being asked.
Where are you from?
This question is probably by far the most difficult for people who are TCK’s to answer. This is due to the fact that often times they feel like they either do not really belong anywhere, or that they belong to too many places at once. We usually have many different types of answers for this question, and will give different answers depending on who we are talking to. Now, just because it is difficult for us to answer I would not suggest you stop asking it, but rather just be aware that some people do struggle with the idea of belonging somewhere.
Do you speak “The language”?
This one is more of a personal annoyance of mine. To give you some context I have spent 13 years of my life in South Korea, and I don’t speak any Korean except for your basic vocab such as, “Hi”, “thank you”, “how much is that?”, “right” “left” “straight ahead” and “I am a foreigner." When people ask me if I speak Korean I always feel terribly awkward, because I feel like their expectation that I should know this language after living the majority of my life there is justified. However, this is also a little unfair, as I really had very little control of what language I was raised to know. Both my parents are American, and a lot of the time I was in Korea I spent it surrounded by people who knew and were expected to speak English. But there is still a part of me that feels like I have failed people. I know not all TCK’s have this “problem," as I am sure there are some out there who actually learns the language of the place they live, but this has been an issue to me personally and I am sure to others.
Which country do you like better?
Now this question just grinds my gears. It’s like asking someone which of their children they like the best. You like each of them for different reasons, and each country does some things better than others. Not only that, but part of what makes a place great is the people that live there, and that can change very easily. Instead of asking this one I recommend that maybe you ask, “What do you like the most about each country you’ve lived in?”
“Wait if you’re from (Country) then why are you (different from stereotypical ethnicity of that country)?”
Derived from a great quote from the movie "Mean Girls," this question is more embarrassing for you then it is for us. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory, just try not to judge a book by its cover as the kids say, and don’t let your preconceived notions dictate your interactions with people. Just because someone is not a race you would expect them to be doesn’t mean that they can’t identify themselves as from that place.
For all of the other TCK’s out there, can you think of any more questions that you hate being asked? Let me know what I missed, and maybe someday there will be a part two.
