I am lost.
Confused, I can handle; overcoming confusion is as simple as struggling through lecture with a professor who blathers in a beautiful accent and charges on at light-speed while students either fool around on Facebook or, much like me, snooze in their seats.
Stressed, I can deal with; dissipating school stress is as easy as squeezing in an extra workout, and eradicating sport stress is as hard as pulling a solid 2,000.
But lost… so much so it keeps me up at night.
The thing is I know where I am from, and I know where I am now: I am standing in the middle of everywhere, and I see at least five thousand people who could give me good directions. Problem is I have no idea where I ought to be going!
It's discomforting, to say the least, disheartening, to say the most. I seem to have forgotten how to wake up on the right side of the bed and smile at the sun. I dread the morning, and I dread the afternoon, and I dread the evening, and I dread the night. I desire to do nothing more than close my eyes and return to my dreams after my alarm goes off at 6am. Sometimes I get up; sometimes I stay in bed.
I know I have things to do and places to be, and I know I ought to get up and do something in someplace outside my own room… but whether I choose to stay or to get up and go, I know I am doomed to end up right back where I started.
With respect to school, I believe these are symptoms of senioritis.
Funny how a disease that no medical school would ever teach its students about and that no doctor would ever diagnose can be so incapacitating.
Problem is I lack a quest. Solution is I need a new goal, one so near impossible to achieve that so much as daring to chase it down would require me to abandon my present state of being, take up arms, and risk everything! I need a grand new adventure, complete with monsoons, monsters, mysteries, and whatever else our universe would be so kind as to throw at me.
I might get turned around at some point. Then I might wander in circles for a while. I might get scared, and I might begin to doubt, but I would always know, deep down, I was not lost. The quest would keep me going, the end goal hovering up ahead like the light at the end of the tunnel, reminding me why I woke up and carried on each day.
I guess I would rather not know where I am than not know where I ought to be.
Graduation is sure to shake things up. Putting genuine effort into classes until then is going to be a struggle, though not a quest. Finding a 9 to 5 job before then is going to be a challenge, but, again, not a quest. Unless I decide to be my own boss.
Starting a business sounds like an adventure, and getting something going before graduation seems close to impossible… But I believe I can do it.
