As a young woman growing up in society today, I am constantly being told what to be and how to get there. There is a certain model and expectation I am supposed to surpass. You are not important; what matters is how your image is portrayed. What do you do when what culture is telling you to be and do completely contradicts how you are lead to act? Here is my testimony of a girl living in a foreign globe.
Let me start off by saying I do not have everything together. I am a sinner who needs more grace than anyone else. I am figuring out and trying to listen to a God who constantly pursues me. It is far from easy, and it is not a calling to take lightly. But this is my story, and it is who I am.
In elementary school, I was expected to wear certain clothes and act a certain way. By the age of ten, I knew how much of an impact appearance had on culture and how I was perceived. I was distraught because my parents taught me to look at the heart, not the flesh. Which was right? Which was the path I wanted to take? My heart was all over the place as friends came and went. I searched all over for a steady rock through all the constant change and struggle.
As I entered in to the seventh grade, I was in awe of how kids started to portray themselves. It was like they completely flip-flopped. New school means new you, right? As most kids were trying to discover who they wished to become, I was more preoccupied with bringing my brother and sister home from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. We had begun the adoption process a year before, but we were just given the opportunity to see pictures of the two. I didn’t have time, nor was there a desire, to be consumed with what people were wearing and who was “dating” who in middle school. I loved God and trusted Him, but I didn’t quite know what that meant. When my parents highly encouraged me to spend a week in Jamaica on a mission trip, I didn’t have much of an option. I couldn’t let them down, so I gave it a shot.
In the summer of 2012, I boarded a plane with no clue who I was about to see and experience. Little did I know, my world was about to be rocked.
We helped with a Vacation Bible School, and these were the most loving kids I had ever met. All they wanted was for you to pick them up and love on them for the little time you were there. We provided them with meals, and for some, that was all they were going to eat for the rest of the day. My heart broke as I looked into these desperate faces and saw my own brother and sister.
Another location we visited was an Infirmary where Jamaica’s elderly men and women were dropped off and left to die. These people were distorted, swimming in their own feces, and left to lay in beds until death came for them. These people were the most joyous souls I have ever met. Their praise songs echoed throughout the complex. If you asked how and why they were so happy, their response was always, “The God of the universe loves me and holds me near His heart. What is there not to rejoice about?” Did I see life through this perspective? What consumed me? I wrestled with these thoughts over the next several days.
As we were preparing to return back for America, one of my best friends pulled me off to the side to talk. I remember sitting on the side of the pool when she mentioned that I am such a good person who clings to God with all I had. Something overwhelmed my being, and my heart broke. It was at that moment that the Holy Spirit consumed my being. I had been living for myself with a little bit of Christ sprinkled in there. I wasn’t immersed in Christ; I was just going through the motions. I had found who my God was.
After that trip, I struggled coming back into a very wealthy community. I had just witnessed people on death bed, and here people were unhappy because they received the wrong Gucci purse for their birthday. I’ll be honest with you, that is still my toughest battle to this day. I have been to Haiti three times since that first trip and seen some of the most deplorable conditions. I constantly need to ask Christ to overflow me with eyes of love and grace. He is in control, and He has these people where they are for a reason.
For all those girls out there who are struggling to discover who you are and who you are destined to be, just know that you are loved. You are cherished by the One who knit you together in your mother’s womb. You wear a crown of jewels. You are the precious ruby. You are the reward a man seeks for. You have the most amazing road ahead of you. You do not have to fit someone’s classification, for you are not meant for this earth. Seek Him, and with that will come joy, wisdom, and understanding. You have been given passions for a reason; pray and ask Him who your were given these blessings and how you can use them for His glory. Perhaps you are going through some of the toughest battles of your life. Remember that flowers don’t grown without rain. And YOU are a gosh darn rose.
