“Sierra Danielle, this ring represents a promise to remain pure until you’re married.” My dad, who is not your formal type of guy. But he hit me with this line as he slid a silver band, engraved with the phrase “true love waits” onto my 12-year-old right ring finger in the middle of an up-scale Italian restaurant.
Basically he was asking me not to have sex until I was married. But the phrase “stay pure until marriage” never really sat right with me.
I’m just going to hold onto my “purity” as if it’s a wild animal, then when I get married, I’ll just release it into the wild, never to see it again. And I won’t be pure anymore. But it’s okay! Because I will be married.
And yeah, I got what he was saying. “Save the most intimate part of yourself for marriage.”
But as a Christian, I think that purity takes on a whole new meaning.
When I used to think of purity, I used to think of your typical, straight-laced, meek, small-voiced girl. A girl who wears denim skirts and probably has the last name Duggar.
(I admire the Duggars, I really do.)
Anyway, the problem with me believing that definition of purity, it meant that I was calling others “un-pure.”
About 8 months ago, we had a “sex talk” at my Christian university. Lame? Maybe.
I was expecting an uber-conservative couple who had been “happily married” for years dressed in business professional. I expected them to come in and address “the issue of sex” in a way that was laced with out-of-context Bible verses said through professionally whitened teeth.
Instead, a couple named TD and Veronica Benton walk in. They were members of a “shock-and-roll” band in Arkansas called White Collar Sideshow. They were both covered in tattoos (which won me over since I have an almost-sleeve on my left arm), dressed in all black, and piercings. Veronica came in wearing leggings (a HUGE no-no for our dress code), a Monroe piercing, and her tattoos fully exposed. Her husband, TD, had his hair up in a man-bun (long hair also being a huge no-no).
Veronica talked to the girls while TD was on the other side of the wall talking to the guys. Veronica began telling us about how she spent most of her high school and college career sleeping her pain away with different guys. She told us about that season of her life where she also suffered from an eating disorder and her self-esteem was non-existent. She was approachable, authentic, and completely raw with us. Overall, the “sex talk” was great. I left feeling completely inspired by the realness that came from Veronica.
The next day in the cafeteria, I approached her and told her all about how much I appreciated her transparency. I said that a lot of the girls in my hall were heavily affected by her words and she had a way of touching their hearts in a way that was unique. She looked at me and said “I appreciate that. You see, I think that the problem with the church is that we’re all so afraid to talk about our shit. That’s sad to me. So much healing comes from bearing our wounds to others.”
I stood shocked. Cursing wasn’t too far from the environment I grew up in, and I won’t lie, an un-holy word slips out of my mouth from time-to-time. But when I heard her words, I saw that the world would probably never, EVER label her as “pure.” They’d probably be happy that she was giving God the glory through her testimony, but they would probably tell her how to do that in a “better” way.
To this day, I believe, wholeheartedly, that Veronica is one of the most pure and beautiful women I have ever met. She might be labeled a “pushing the boundaries” Christian, but that’s fine because I’m labeled as that too. But her heart for God and seeing people redeemed from sin was evident. She wanted to see others, no matter how broken, encounter the heart of God.
As I think of my dad giving my purity ring to me, I think of how loaded the word “purity” really is.
Purity means having a heart that gives with no other intention than to help others see Jesus.
Purity means standing by people in the midst of their sin, but loving them too much to leave them there.
Purity means approaching Father God DAILY, with empty hands, and an expectant heart.
Purity means being completely transparent, and willing to show your brokenness, all while directing glory to God and God alone.
Purity means forgiving others because The Lord has forgiven you.
Purity is a condition of the heart, not a condition of one’s sexual past.
Veronica, thank you for your pure heart. You have inspired me to use my brokenness to assist others in meeting the ultimate Healer. I pray blessings on you, your husband, and White Collar Sideshow.
