Have you ever been eyed from across the bar and then slowly approached, later receiving a free drink? Most would probably say yes. Obviously, this is the most complex form of flattery, getting bought drinks to become increasingly plastered. Did that same person later ask if you would go home with them? Wow, it almost seems like they had a plan all along. Now it is your decision. Go home with Chad who probably will not remember your name the next morning or question his motives and see if he actually wants to know you. With today’s absolutely absurd relationship culture, there are many things to think about.
There is a constant stigma against hooking up with someone on the first night and doing so will eliminate you from being seen as “girlfriend material.” However, if you wait too long you are seen as a tease and that person is most likely going to give up and look elsewhere. Another underlying pressure is the need to “repay.” If you are bought drinks or taken to a nice dinner, you may feel pressure from that person, who is assuming they “deserve” something. Do you really think I’m DTF after one dish of slightly, under average Chicken Alfredo? The bottom line is there should not be a time limit on when it is acceptable to hookup.
You have the power to decide when you feel comfortable and what you want to do. The problem is, you cannot allow anyone to coerce you. There should not be any times where you hooked up because you were “already there” or “did not want to disappoint them.” Hearing those statements from many people, far too many times is concerning; if that person likes you and respects you then it will not be a big deal if you are just honest. You should have enough self-respect to say no if you don’t want to hookup and have enough respect for the other person if they don’t want to. The person of your affection should want you to be comfortable above anything else; if not, they are not worth your time.
In the end, you have to decide what you want and be able to articulate it to the other person. People have a need to play games and not be honest with each other, but if you aren’t honest then the other person has no idea of what you want or need. If you want to hook up, tell them. If you want a relationship, tell them. If you don’t like them, tell them. People are not mind-readers.
Overall, your main focus should be on whether you are happy, talking to someone or not. If you want to just hook up with someone, do it. If you want to explore things and see if a relationship comes out of that, do it. But, respecting yourself and others strongly relates to not caring if people judge you. I know people are judging me when I walk to my friend’s house in slippers and sweatpants, but does it stop me? Of course not. Just know that you have the power to do whatever you want and no one should be holding you back. Finally, if our worth is going to be rated on food, at least order the steak.
