Car accidents are so common nowadays. I myself have been in so many accidents with my parents or grandparents behind the wheel and have had the miracle of not getting hurt that I don't count anymore. But when I had my first accident with me behind the wheel, it changed the way that driving made me feel. I went from feeling young and free behind the wheel, to wondering what would happen next, what would go wrong, and whether or not I would get hurt. It's hard when the thing that is most common literally scares you.
Two months ago, I made my first trip to Kentucky from Athens Ohio. I had never driven that far before, and so I was a little scared, but I've driven a lot this summer, so I didn't think this was something I couldn't handle. As I began my 4 hour journey, things went pretty okay, and I thought I had the trip on lock down as I approached my destination. I was less than 20 miles away from arrival when it happened.
It had been slightly rainy in Kentucky, and I had heard on the radio a warning that you needed to be careful on the roads because it could be slick. But being the experienced driver I was, I didn't really take the warning seriously. I was on the highway when Google Maps suggested I take a different route to get to my destination. Wanting to avoid Lexington traffic, I decided to follow Google onto the back roads between Lexington and Wilmore Kentucky.
Everything was going fine for a while. The roads were windy and long, and I didn't really know where I was going, but I wasn't too worried. Google hadn't failed me yet. As I rounded corners, I became more and more confident with the turns. And then it happened. I was taking a turn on a Y road, when suddenly, the road was slick. I started to go left of center, and I was determined not to hit the bank that was on the left side of the road. I over corrected, and hit a telephone just off the right side of the road, and there it was: my first real accident.
Having nowhere to pull over, I cried as I dragged my headlight down the road in search of a place to call everyone I knew and let them know that I just got in a pretty bad accident, but I was okay.
A lot of things happened after that, and my car was totaled. A week later, I ended up getting a new car, and heading back to school. (I am very blessed) But, something about driving had changed. I was no longer as confident as before, even though I tried. I knew what it was like to lose control of something I was supposed to be really good at, something I honestly enjoyed doing.
Now, when I drive, I listen. I hear things going on. I don't trust other drivers, and I don't trust my own driving. Driving in the rain is terrifying. Every turn I make on a rainy day, I remember this moment, this one time I lost control. I'm not sure if I can ever drive in the rain without wondering if I'll die.
Maybe PTSD is a strong label to put on my experience with driving now. All I know is I am scared. I can't look at these things again. I don't know if anyone else is like this, but I know this is my story.
