18 Thoughts You Have When You Encounter A Slow Walker
Start writing a post
Student Life

18 Thoughts You Have When You Encounter A Slow Walker

PSA: pick up your feet.

18 Thoughts You Have When You Encounter A Slow Walker

One of the most common questions I was asked as a child was, “If you could be an animal, what would you be?” Naturally I would respond a monkey, a dolphin, or a liger because I’d want to be cute, able to swim, or majestic. But what if I said a slug? Slugs are slow. The world around them is happening and they are just inching through life. Can you imagine? Well apparently there were a good number of kids who desired this lifestyle because I have seen them, been late because of them, and often pray that natural selection eliminates them from the planet. We’ve all encountered slow walkers, and if you haven’t, chances are that you are one and you need to PICK UP THE FREAKING PACE. If we had thought bubbles above our heads, here are some of the things that would appear as we trail behind the slow walkers of the world.

  1. Do you not have a life to live? Nowhere to be? Anyone to see?
  2. You're right, the middle of the sidewalk is the perfect place to stop.
  3. Right. Left. Right. Left. NOT. THAT. HARD.
  4. This sidewalk ain’t big enough for the two of us. *In old country movie voice*
  5. There are children in Africa that would love to be walking, why aren’t you?
  7. What has 2 legs, no sense of society’s standards, & is ruining my schedule? (YOU)
  8. You need to move it move it, you need to move it move it, you need to…MOVE IT.
  9. Abe Lincoln once said, "I am a slow walker, but I never walk back" and we all know how that turned out…too soon? Alright don't be so sensitive.
  11. I went to the year 3000, not much had changed because I was still stuck behind you
  12. Okay fine, I'll walk on your left and go around. Seriously, right when I'm about to pass? Alright shifting to the right, cue turn signal…okay…here we go…WHAT THE HAIL? FINE, into the grass...aaaaaand great, foot in dog shit. Happy Monday.
  13. Follow the social contract you signed when you decided to be a human and walk at a decent pace
  14. Now walk it out, walk it out, walk it out (of my way).
  15. Check out this article, Walking Pace a Stronger Predictor of Death Risk Than Smoking, Scientists Discover http://news.nationalpost.com/health/walking-pace-a-stronger-predictor-of-death-risk-than-smoking-scientists-discover
  16. Or this New York Times article if that one was too harsh, Why a Brisk Walker is Better http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/04/why-a-brisk-walk-is-better/?_r=0
  17. I’m stepping on your ankles, how does that not bother you?
  19. Please, just move.

To all the slow walkers reading this, just know that we don’t hate you; we just hate what you do to our lives. So please, we’re begging you, move or move out of the way. PEACE. LOVE. BYE.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
What College Girls Remember from their Summers as a Kid

Yes, summer is almost here.. so what should we remember

Keep Reading... Show less
The 100 Things Millennials have ruined: A Comprehensive List

Millennials: the generation everyone loves to hate. The babies of 1980 to 1995 take a lot of heat. I mean, we inherited a crashed economy, earn stagnant wages, live with crippling student loan debt, and try to enact change in a rigged system but our affinity for avocado toast and use of technology has wrecked society as we know it! As a tail end millennial, I wanted to know what I was ruining and, like any other annoying millennial would, I did some research. I scoured the internet, read online newspapers and scrolled through every listicle I could find. So, in case you needed another reason to resent the millennial in your life, here are the 100 industries we've killed, things we've ruined or concepts we've destroyed.

Keep Reading... Show less

Anxiety Doesn't Discriminate

This month, Odyssey brings about awareness & normality to conversations around mental health from our community.

Anxiety Doesn't Discriminate

It's no secret that even in 2018 our country still struggles with discrimination of all kinds. Society labels individuals by the color of their skin, heritage, religion, sexuality, gender, size, and political beliefs. You are either privileged or you're not. However, here's the thing, anxiety doesn't care about your privilege. Anxiety doesn't discriminate.

Keep Reading... Show less
College Boy Charm is Real and it's Very Sexy

After surviving a year of college and watching "Clueless" countless times, I've come to the conclusion that college boy charm is very much a real thing and it's very very attractive. It's easiest explained through Paul Rudd's character, Josh, in "Clueless". The boy who has a grip on his life and is totally charming. In this article, I will list the qualities of a specimen with College Boy Charm, to help you identify him at your next party or other social events.

Keep Reading... Show less

Tik Tok Stars: Worth the Hype? or Overrated?

As Tik-Tokers rise to fame, do their 'copy-cat' dances deserve the clout?

Tik Tok Stars: Worth the Hype? or Overrated?

Oh, the wonders of social media. Trends come and go just as quick as a story on Instagram, everyone posting for their shot at fifteen minutes of fame, and the ever growing following of a new type of celebrity- social media influencers and content creators. Everyone who owns a smartphone probably has Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and now Tik-Tok, as it's growing to be a major social media platform for teenagers and young adults. Tik Tok became popular in the United States in late 2019 and since then has grown a considerable amount. Personally, I was one to make fun of Tik-Tok and say it was a dumb app like Musical.ly or Triller, and now months later, I spend more time on it than I do on Instagram.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments