This past weekend I visited the "Happiest Place on Earth" -- well, technically, almost the happiest place because it was Disneyland, not Disney World.

But in all honesty, I would've been happier watching "KUWTK" than being in that hell hole. Before all the readers in their "I Love Disney" pajamas start angrily commenting, calm down, fam. I don't hate Disney movies; I mean catch me watching "Frozen" erry day. But I swear, I have never had a worse experience at a park than Disney.

To add to this, I once went to Hershey Park and literally every ride I waited in line for broke down once I got up for it to be my turn -- so having a worse experience than that is pretty amazing!

So, first, I get off the tram, which may have been the most exciting ride in the entire park, and begin to see the hoard of people. Why do people bring babies; like, that is an infant, why are they here? Is that baby who can't talk or comprehend the true messages of Disney movies seriously going to enjoy themselves? I mean, don't even get me started on the strollers. Why are there so many strollers? My toes were a lovely shade of blue the next day. #thanksbabies

Anyway, back to the trillion people I saw entering the park! I realized we weren't even there yet. Seriously, how many people are on this Earth? I truly enjoyed seeing the douchey high school kids there for spring break. Like yeah, dude, you are super cool running into garbage cans and acting like you have never been in civilization before. The rush of people attempting to get into this "park" was insane and I felt like I could've been crushed to death. Not to mention everyone was running. Actually, why, humanity?

Actual image from Disneyland entrance gates.

Next, we can talk about the lines. It was like waiting for One Direction all over again, except there was no end in sight and the end result didn't make me happy. (@1D please get back together) I'm sandwiched between my teammates, who are okay I guess, and every family/group/cult playing Heads Up. How many times can someone get something so easy so wrong? I am truly concerned for future generations, when their trivia knowledge is so poor. Honestly, they would die in Trivia Crack. This goes to show how the public school systems are miserably failing us. As I waited in line, I pondered what I was actually doing with my life if I had hours to spend waiting in line. This is why America is going to cease to be a superpower; all we do is wait in lines. Also, I have short patience and all I wanted was coffee and to be out of the vicinity of this hell hole created by Walt "Satan" Disney. Petty criminals should have to wait in lines for the length of their sentence. There it is: the fix for crime rates.

After seven years, I have graduated college and adopted 12 dogs, Oh, and I finally reached the end of the line. All of my friends have hyped this ride up, like the children they are, and we get on. The worst may have been Snow White, or you know, any of them. Disney really thinks that witch is going to scare me, like I know that is the Wicked Witch, I have seen the movies. Amateurs. Also, if you enjoy thrilling, stomach-turning rides, Disneyland isn't for you. Big Thunder Mountain Railroad let me down more than anything in life. Don't hype me up pretending to be taking us up a big hill, readying for a big drop and give me some bulls**t drop. I've ridden my Heely's down bigger slopes. Don't make me wait in line for Pirates of the Caribbean and not even have the Kraken kill me. What am I even here for.Closing statements: Disneyland is a waste of time, money, and I think it would've been better if Dementors had eaten my soul. (We were so close to Universal.) I read on Travelocity that the West Coast was the "Best Coast," but this is clearly not so. Disney, seriously, let me down. That "castle" doesn't even deserve to be seen by the public. I have seen toddlers make more intricate, and bigger, sand castles at the beach. I may have to reconsider if I even like Disney anymore. How can I watch "Frozen," now that I know Elsa wasn't even at Disneyland? WTH? Unlike my "teammate" Ashley Fitch, I didn't love Disney, I didn't even like it, I wouldn't even invite it to my birthday just to get a present from it. Please, reconsider spending your money on something meaningful and exciting that could benefit you in some way, rather than Disneyland tickets