Even With The Bad Days, I'm Proud Of Myself

Somehow, it's been over a month already since school started. It feels so long ago but also like I moved in days ago, all at the same time. I've definitely had my share of "freshman moments" showing up on the first day with my shiny new (enormous) planner, getting lost on campus, and trying to learn how to use the library printers that for some reason connect to my student ID. Huge shout out to whoever placed printed out step-by-step instructions on various tables in the library of how to use the library by the way, because I almost cried out of frustration.

It's only been four weeks since I came here, and it's definitely been full of highs and lows. From seeing my mom leave after I had moved in, to the adrenaline rush that was getting to perform at our marching band preview, to the anxiety of my first week of class, to having to leave marching band in the hopes I would regain some mental stability, the past month has certainly been an experience.

Last week was especially rough. I dropped marching band at the beginning of the week and spent the rest of the week debating whether I had, in fact, made the right choice. I had so much guilt over how it felt like I was just quitting and abandoning the commitment I had made to my fellow members of the band. For the past seven years most of my life has revolved around band, and to just give up what has been a major part of my identity for so long was scary.

I spent a lot of this past weekend at home thinking about the past few weeks. While I'm sad I had to give up something I've loved for so long I know I made the right decision. College band is so different from what I expected it to be, and it's so much more of a time commitment than I could have ever anticipated. I mean, I was two weeks into class and already struggling to keep up with my homework and readings.

At the end of the day, I'm really hecking proud of myself and everything I've managed to accomplish. I honestly thought I would have had more breakdowns from stress and sleep exhaustion and homesickness, and while those have happened I know I'll be alright. Yes, school is hard and trying to find a happy medium between staying on top of my academics, being involved outside of class, and at least attempting to be healthy is something I'm still working on, but at least I'm here.

I have an opportunity a lot of people in this world currently don't have: the ability to receive an education at a university where my financial situation is okay enough that I can live on campus and not absolutely have to work right now to make ends meet. So yeah, college is tough, but at least I'm giving it my all.