Lately (and I’m going to guess always), some men feel the need to yell obscenities at women they find attractive. Contrary to popular belief, women are not objects to be commented on when in public. Now, I could give the whole, “would you want someone saying that to your sister or mother” speech, but that’s really just garbage. Why? Because women are people. Women are human beings who deserve respect regardless of their relationship to you.
Unfortunately, society does not teach young men this, and unless they receive “don’t be a creep” lessons from authority figures in their lives, they might grow up thinking it is acceptable to hoot and holler at women minding their own business (and no, small clothes do not make her business your business). We even have cartoons that try to make harassment humorous, with googly eyes, tongues hanging out, and jaws dropping to the floor.
However, women do not exist for your pleasure— we have plenty to do that has nothing to do with you. We don’t turn around, wink, and wag our tails when you yell “Nice tits!” like the cartoons promised we would. We’ll probably flip you off or ignore you and walk away. Why? Because it’s harassment. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and it definitely isn’t a compliment.
You’re probably thinking, “Wait, you don’t think ‘Nice ass!’ is a compliment?” No, I don’t, and the majority of women agree with me (and those who don't really need to read this too). Luckily for you, I am here to give you some tips on how to talk to women. Let’s begin.
Pro Tip 1: Catcalls vs. Compliments
Catcall (creepy harassment): “Hey baby, nice ass!”
Why it’s creepy harassment: I am not your baby. I don’t want to be your baby (hence why I’m walking past you). I don’t need you to tell me I have a nice ass, and I didn’t ask for your opinion. Quite frankly, it's plain creepy to tell any stranger they have a nice ass.
Try instead: “Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you, but I just wanted to say you’re very beautiful.”
Catcall (creepy and obnoxious): “Damn, sexy, I love the way you’re wearing that dress.”
Why it’s creepy and obnoxious: Strangers don’t tell strangers they’re sexy. Strangers don’t comment on strangers’ bodies. Strangers say, “Hello” and if the other stranger is interested, they say, “Hey.” Period.
Try instead: “Hello, I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I love your style.”
Why these alternatives are better: You’re treating her like a human, not an object. You’re approaching her in a respectful, non-threatening manner. You’re acknowledging that you are entering her space, uninvited, and are apologizing for any kind of discomfort that may bring. In short, you aren’t being rude.
Pro Tip 2: If she isn’t interested, leave her alone.
Now that we have covered how to talk to women, let’s talk about handling rejection. You gave a nice compliment, she said “thank you,” and walked away. This does not mean she does not appreciate what you said, it means she isn’t interested in furthering the conversation, or, more likely still, she has things to do and places to be that just don’t include you. Don’t follow her down the street, asking why she doesn’t love you yet. Don’t holler after her that you take it back now that she didn’t jump into your arms. And for the love of Pete, do not call her a b*tch or worse. If you ever feel the need to insult a woman who is not interested you, please crawl back under the rock you came from and stay there forever.
As Sylvia Plath once said, “Women are not machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.” She doesn’t owe you her number, she doesn’t owe you a date. You don’t get brownie points for being a decent human being. If she isn’t interested, leave her alone.
Pro Tip 3: If your friends catcall women, call them out on it.
If your buddies enjoy harassing women, when you can, please direct them to Pro Tip 1. In the meantime, call them out on it. Inform them that women are not shiny objects they get to drool on when in public. Not only do their obnoxious comments indicate to the woman they’re harassing that they are creeps who have no respect for women, it also tells all women in the immediate vicinity that any guy with them is likely obnoxious and disrespectful. Do your friends and yourself a favor and call out men who catcall women.If you still don't understand, try putting yourself in our shoes.