Should we share accounts? Should we share passwords? For some of the older generation, this new everyone has their own phone is a little bit different. We older folks grew up in a time when there was one phone and it was usually tethered to the wall in the kitchen with a long or short cord depending on the type of phone. I remember when my parents got the first cordless phone, it was quite remarkable, suddenly we could talk on the phone in different rooms.
I also remember when my Dad’s friend showed him the phone they had installed in their bathroom and my Dad’s reaction that the man better never calls him from there. Now we call, text, and do just about everything from the bathroom. What is more though, we all have separate accounts and that is really what this article is about.
My husband and I have been married a short time, only seven glorious years. We went from only being able to afford one phone, a house phone at that, to having our own cell phone that we shared, until now, where we have a house phone and we each have our own cell phones.
They have come in handy when we are on the road traveling in separate directions, and a nuisance when we are out together. Inevitably with our “smart" phones, we have become stupid. Spending more and more of our time with our noses in the phones, and less and less time talking to each other.
Still, our phone woes cannot compare to some people we know. Let’s call them, Cheryl and Thomas. Cheryl and Thomas, have been married an even shorter time than us. Like us, they each have their own accounts on social media and their own cell phones. But someone, and neither can remember who decided that they needed each other’s passwords. Cheryl constantly demands Thomas’s phone, so she can check and see who he is texting, who he is calling, and monitor his social media from the inside.
On the same hand, Thomas does it to Cheryl, and their relationship has become a breeding ground for distrust. However, Cheryl and Thomas are in the minority. Some couples share passwords and their accounts and have no ill effects. According to PewResearch, 74% of couples say that the internet has had a positive impact on their relationship, while 67% of users share passwords.
According to a TimeMagazine article on relationships, Psychologist Kelly Campbell warns that sharing passwords or restricting each other’s privacy can be detrimental to your relationship. “In relationships, we depend on each other for a lot of things, but it’s good and healthy to have some independence too.”
Essentially it boils down to you and your spouse, if you can learn to trust them then you should be comfortable with having separate passwords, and if you do not trust them to have privacy on their phones and social media accounts then you should seek professional help in determining what is causing these trust issues and help you determine whether the relationship can last.
If you trust them, then knowing the password is okay because you won’t worry about seeing what’s on the phone. In other words, if you trust each other and share passwords for various accounts you won’t need to ever use the passwords.
In Cheryl and Thomas’s case there is some underlying tension that is causing the distrust, and the demanding to monitor each other’s cell phones and social media has only added to the mistrust that was already there. While their relationship is struggling, they are failing to see that this lack of privacy and trust is only adding to their problems.
