Growing up, I was that girl in school, whenever someone needed help I was the go-to gal. I had straight A’s, usually weeks ahead of the class, and the one everyone knew would make it out of a crime-filled city. During high school, the pressure of making it out of this horrible city was encouraged by my parents. They would boast about my grades on social media and to their friends. My friends would always ask me how I would ace a test so easily and would expect it from me every time I was handed back a test. As the years between high school and college were closing in on me, the pressure grew with the constant words of “What college are you going to?” “How do you have such great confidence of knowing you’ll get in?” But the confidence wasn’t really there, I lied so people didn’t think I wasn’t going to make it; I didn’t want them to see me as a failure. I didn’t want my family and friends to lose faith in me.
As Graduation Day came, I thought the pressure would subdue but it only got worse because there were only two months between me and college. As college was approaching I started doubting myself with thoughts of “Can I really do this?” and “What if I let everyone down?” I wanted to live up to everyone’s expectations without failing them. I’d be failing all my friends and family who have had so much faith in me. But when I finally arrived at college, throughout the semesters I learned more about why I want to get out of this horrible city. The pressure subdued when I finally realized that after so long I’m not doing this to make everyone else happy or to make it seem like I won’t be stuck where I grew up, but I’m doing it for myself. I want to get out of this place were shootings are a regular and drug busts are a daily routine. I wanna see what my future holds. I know my future holds more than my mother wondering if I will make it home safely when walking home from work at 10 o’clock at night. Although I am doing this for myself and not for everyone, it does not mean I won’t get out of this horrible town; I still will but I will get out of it on my own terms for me, my happiness and my future.
