A friend of mine overheard a woman talking to someone in a department store recently. She was telling this other person how having her daughter at age 20 ruined her life. Her daughter was standing right next to her. At first, when I head this from my friend, I was mad. Actually, I was downright infuriated and shocked. How could anyone say that at all let alone when their child, the "life-ruiner" was standing right there next to them? Then, after awhile, I felt pretty sad about it, and yet I was left to reminisce. You see, I was 19 when I had my son.
I was just a kid myself...and had a kid. Was I scared? You bet. Were people saying I had ruined my life? They sure were. People were saying so many things that eventually I had to just tune it all out. Actually, I am the type of person who likes to prove other people wrong. When someone tells me they don't think I can do something, I set out to show them just how wrong they are. But honestly, before I had my son, I was lost and didn't even realize it. I was a self-centered teenager who had just started college. I thought of nobody but myself and didn't think any rules applied to me. Then I was pregnant.
It wasn't an instantaneous mindset change, but I finally started thinking about how my actions effected other people at some point while I was pregnant. After he was born, I knew I had to be better because he was counting on me. He needed me. This little 6 pound 7 ounce boy needed me. While at first, I admit, that scared the life out of me, I grew stronger because of it. He was depending on me to start over new and make a life for us. Did I still make mistakes? You bet I did. Did I try each time to do better? Absolutely. Did I have any clue what I was doing? Not all the time. Did having a baby at age 19 ruin my life?
Absolutely, 100 percent, NO. He saved me. He made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. I had a reason to start over new and make sure my life was going in a direction I could be proud of, to change who I used to be, to become better. He is and always has been a gift from God that came right when I needed him the most. I was being told to slow down and to put someone else before me. I worked hard at full-time jobs and eventually went back to college at night and earned a degree, married a wonderful man who loves us both, and would not go back and change a thing. My friend said something that resonated within me and inspired me to write this piece, so I'll end this with her quote:
"Sometimes, kids having kids is tragic. Sometimes, kids having kids is a miracle."
You, my son, are a miracle, and my life was not ruined because you came into it. You saved my life and I love you with all my heart.
