Before I got pregnant, I had heard about all sorts of things that come with pregnancy. Morning sickness. That beautiful pregnancy glow. A cute little bump. Cravings. I thought I knew what I was getting into once I saw those two pink lines, but nothing prepared me for the reality of pregnancy.

1. Morning sickness.

Expectation: Morning sickness would only be in the morning.

After all, it is called morning sickness.

Reality: Morning sickness comes anytime, anywhere.

Truthfully, most of my morning sickness didn’t even occur in the morning. I had evening and afternoon sickness the most. No matter what time it came, it was not fun and I was so glad when it ended.

2. Pregnancy glow.

Expectation: Beautiful, glowing skin. Unflawed and smoother than a baby’s butt.

I’ve always heard of the beautiful glow that comes with pregnancy. You can literally see light radiating from a pregnant woman’s skin.

Reality: Acne, acne, acne.

I felt like I was going through puberty again. No matter how much I washed my face, it was oily and covered in acne. I couldn’t tell if I was 14 again, or actually pregnant.

3. Fashion and belly.

Expectation: I would have a cute, round belly and I would dress in the cutest maternity clothes and be that adorable pregnant girl.

I would wear dresses that showed off my little bump and I would wear adorable maternity shirts and I would be comfortable and confident in everything I wore.

Reality: Maternity clothes are expensive, and sweatpants are comfortable.

I don’t really remember the last time I put energy into looking good. I live in sweatpants, a sweatshirt and shoes I don’t have to tie. I’m just tired and nothing fits anyway, so why bother trying on a bunch of clothes to be cute.

4. Cute little kicks.

Expectation: Tiny little kicks and movements.

Aw, look! She’s kicking! No, it doesn’t hurt! It’s adorable!

Reality: Please remove your body from my ribs.

Ever since I’ve started feeling all of her movements, I’ve been pretty sure she’s trying to break free through my stomach. Oh, and I can’t forget the perfectly timed rib kicks or when she gets a foot stuck under my ribs for two-hours.

5. Personal space.

Expectation: Everyone would ask before rubbing my belly.

In my perfect world, everyone would understand that I’m not a very touchy person, and they would respect that. I would grant permission when I was feeling comfortable with people touching me and that would be the only time I would be touched.

Reality: Who are you, and why are you touching me?

I haven’t had a lot of strangers touch my belly, but I’ve had some family friends that I barely know rub my belly without asking. I just tense up and feel violated until it ends and then I just awkwardly smile and walk away. If you ever come in contact with a pregnant woman, don’t just grab. It’s always safe to ask.

6. Cravings.

Expectations: They’re easily ignored.

My body might be craving ice cream drenched in chocolate syrup with a double cheeseburger as a side, but I know that’s not good for the baby, so I’ll have fruit instead!

Reality: If I do not receive the food I am craving exactly how I’m craving it in 30-seconds, I will die.

OK, so obviously I’m not going to actually die, but I will start crying, and I will cry until my food is brought to me exactly how I want it, which brings me into emotions!

7. Emotions.

Expectations: I’ll cry sometimes, but I’ll try to stay positive.

My body is going through some hormonal changes, so it is only normal that I fall apart sometimes. One tissue and a hug will do.

Reality: I can fill a tub with my tears and I hate you, but you need to comfort me.

There’s no more of the food I want? I’m sobbing. I see a dead animal in the road? Sobbing. Can’t see my toes anymore? Sobbing. Thinking about my baby? Unstoppable sobbing. Make me mad? You should run, because not only will I be sobbing, but I will hate you, and I will yell, and I will apologize later while sobbing. What are real emotions anymore?

8. Maneuvering with belly.

Expectation: I need little to no assistance getting around.

My belly may prevent me from doing some things, but I’m mostly independent!

Reality: I am trapped under my stomach and I can’t move.

I cannot do anything on my own any more. I need help sitting up, rolling over, walking, getting up, getting off the toilet, existing. I would probably be stuck in bed, on my back right now if it wasn’t for my fiance.