Before I got pregnant, I had heard about all sorts of things that come with pregnancy. Morning sickness. That beautiful pregnancy glow. A cute little bump. Cravings. I thought I knew what I was getting into once I saw those two pink lines, but nothing prepared me for the reality of pregnancy.
1. Morning sickness.
Expectation: Morning sickness would only be in the morning.
After all, it is called morning sickness.
Reality: Morning sickness comes anytime, anywhere.
Truthfully, most of my morning sickness didn’t even occur in the morning. I had evening and afternoon sickness the most. No matter what time it came, it was not fun and I was so glad when it ended.
2. Pregnancy glow.
Expectation: Beautiful, glowing skin. Unflawed and smoother than a baby’s butt.
I’ve always heard of the beautiful glow that comes with pregnancy. You can literally see light radiating from a pregnant woman’s skin.
Reality: Acne, acne, acne.
I felt like I was going through puberty again. No matter how much I washed my face, it was oily and covered in acne. I couldn’t tell if I was 14 again, or actually pregnant.
3. Fashion and belly.
Expectation: I would have a cute, round belly and I would dress in the cutest maternity clothes and be that adorable pregnant girl.
I would wear dresses that showed off my little bump and I would wear adorable maternity shirts and I would be comfortable and confident in everything I wore.
Reality: Maternity clothes are expensive, and sweatpants are comfortable.
I don’t really remember the last time I put energy into looking good. I live in sweatpants, a sweatshirt and shoes I don’t have to tie. I’m just tired and nothing fits anyway, so why bother trying on a bunch of clothes to be cute.
4. Cute little kicks.
Expectation: Tiny little kicks and movements.
Aw, look! She’s kicking! No, it doesn’t hurt! It’s adorable!
Reality: Please remove your body from my ribs.
Ever since I’ve started feeling all of her movements, I’ve been pretty sure she’s trying to break free through my stomach. Oh, and I can’t forget the perfectly timed rib kicks or when she gets a foot stuck under my ribs for two-hours.
5. Personal space.
Expectation: Everyone would ask before rubbing my belly.
In my perfect world, everyone would understand that I’m not a very touchy person, and they would respect that. I would grant permission when I was feeling comfortable with people touching me and that would be the only time I would be touched.
Reality: Who are you, and why are you touching me?
I haven’t had a lot of strangers touch my belly, but I’ve had some family friends that I barely know rub my belly without asking. I just tense up and feel violated until it ends and then I just awkwardly smile and walk away. If you ever come in contact with a pregnant woman, don’t just grab. It’s always safe to ask.
Expectations: They’re easily ignored.
My body might be craving ice cream drenched in chocolate syrup with a double cheeseburger as a side, but I know that’s not good for the baby, so I’ll have fruit instead!
Reality: If I do not receive the food I am craving exactly how I’m craving it in 30-seconds, I will die.
OK, so obviously I’m not going to actually die, but I will start crying, and I will cry until my food is brought to me exactly how I want it, which brings me into emotions!
Expectations: I’ll cry sometimes, but I’ll try to stay positive.
My body is going through some hormonal changes, so it is only normal that I fall apart sometimes. One tissue and a hug will do.
Reality: I can fill a tub with my tears and I hate you, but you need to comfort me.
There’s no more of the food I want? I’m sobbing. I see a dead animal in the road? Sobbing. Can’t see my toes anymore? Sobbing. Thinking about my baby? Unstoppable sobbing. Make me mad? You should run, because not only will I be sobbing, but I will hate you, and I will yell, and I will apologize later while sobbing. What are real emotions anymore?
8. Maneuvering with belly.
Expectation: I need little to no assistance getting around.
My belly may prevent me from doing some things, but I’m mostly independent!
Reality: I am trapped under my stomach and I can’t move.
I cannot do anything on my own any more. I need help sitting up, rolling over, walking, getting up, getting off the toilet, existing. I would probably be stuck in bed, on my back right now if it wasn’t for my fiance.
Don’t let TV shows fool you, girls. Pregnancy isn’t as fun and easy as it seems.