“Binary Sunset” has been stuck in my head for weeks now. I’ve essentially turned off Facebook, Yik Yak, and Twitter. I didn’t get tickets for the midnight release, so I have to wait until Monday night to see it. I'm a bit late to the game and I’ve had a lot of time to think about the new Star Wars movie, so here are my top predictions for what’s going to happen. No promises for accuracy.
1. Darth Maul comes back, just because.
All right, it's been established that Darth Maul survived being chopped in half by Obi-Wan. Maul's made a few appearances in "The Clone Wars," and has generally kicked some serious ass. He's got these sweet robot legs and just wants to absolutely murder Darth Sidious and Obi-Wan. Granted, neither of these characters are alive anymore, and there's no reason for Maul to even be in the new trilogy. I just really want it to happen.
2. Han Solo is a Jedi.
Okay, yes, this is a bit of a stretch, but Han does use a lightsaber in Episode V. I think it's possible. Han would be a great Jedi. He wouldn't understand what's going on half the time, he'd keep asking Luke about the Force, and he'd probably never even use a lightsaber. In fact, I bet he wouldn't even mention that he's a Jedi in the movie, he'd be that chill about it. That's my prediction. Han is a Jedi but doesn't mention it and still uses his blaster. No one will be able to say I'm wrong.
3. BB-8 is the son of R2-D2, and Force-sensitive.
In case none of you knew this, the old Expanded Universe comics had a Force-sensitive droid. He was the red R2 unit that blew his motivator at the beginning of Episode IV. Apparently he did that on purpose because he sensed R2-D2's destiny, or whatever. And then he turned into a blue Force-ghost. It was pretty dumb. My point is, BB-8 could totally be a Jedi in Episode VII. And I don't know how him being R2's son would work, but I'm pretty confident it'll happen. It'll be just like the "Vader is Luke's father" twist. Trust me on this one.
4. Jar Jar is a wise old man.
Everyone knows that Jar Jar Binks was the best thing to come out of the prequel movies. Talk about a funny, well-written character with a huge role in the plot! He's the best! And then he got totally shafted in Episodes II and III and didn't have a huge role anymore. Talk about wasted potential. If Disney's smart, they'll make Jar Jar a key player in the new trilogy. There's a popular theory that Jar Jar was a Sith Lord during the prequels, but I beg to differ. I'm thinking a wise old Obi-Wan-type figure. He'll probably be a Jedi.
5. Ewok Stormtroopers.
After the Battle of Endor, the Empire's got to acknowledge the strategic potential of Ewoks. These little guys decimated a squadron of trained Stormtroopers with sticks and rocks. Just imagine what they could do with armor and blasters! I can guarantee, in the final act of the movie, General Wicket is going to lead the First Order army to victory over the Resistance in a shocking turn of events. Just you watch.
6. The Millennium Falcon is now called the “Pimp-lennium Swagon."
Chewie's a pimpin' mofo. I'm sure Han was totally busting his balls the whole time he owned the Falcon. My guess is that by Episode VII, Han will have settled down with Leia and given the Falcon to Chewie, who turned it into the swankiest pimped out ride in the galaxy. It'll make the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs, but on its side, bumping up and down on hydraulics, with fuzzy dice in the rearview mirror. I think this would be a great addition to the otherwise lackluster world of Star Wars spaceships.
There you have it. I'll have to wait to see if any of my predictions are right, but like I said, I'm very confident. Okay, time to turn off my internet again until I see the movie.
