Being a preacher's kid is a lot like being a matador. You have to learn about the bulls you're working with, AKA the church members. Some of them see you as a sweet god-fearing child and will patronize you until the day you die. Of course, they will probably die first, and you will probably attend their funeral. Others will look upon you with suspicion. They believe the devil will seek you out and cause rebellion. They comment on your every move and every mistake. Some church members, on the other hand, become your Ferdinand. They are friendly and not overbearing. Their expectations for your behavior are not drastically blown out of proportion. You aren't an angel and you aren't a devil, they see you as a person.
There is the pressure for perfection placed unfairly upon a pastor's entire family. Your attendance at church events is noticed. When you aren't there, you have to have a good excuse. When you do something wrong, the fact that you're a child and children make mistakes isn't acceptable. You are the pastor's child, you know what you did was a sin, ask God for forgiveness. When you have an opinion that differs from another church member, the controversy becomes personal with attacks directed at your piety instead of your argument.
As a pastor's kid, the perception other people have about you is completely off. People seem to think I sit around at my house reading the Bible and singing "Jesus Loves Me". The truth is, while we do sometimes have biblical discussions in my house, it's usually my brother or myself who initiates them. We ask a question, get an answer, and often get into a debate. We don't talk about God at every waking second. We don't talk about God in most of our seconds. It's not that God has no place in our house, he is important to us. We love God, we follow God, but God isn't the only thing we have in our lives. We are human. We have our distractions. We commit our sins.
When I came to college, I'd been in the same church my entire life. I don't want anyone reading this either from my old church or my new one to think I'm a miserable ball of anxiety. I'm not. My church WAS and IS supportive of me and has allowed me to grow up largely unaffected from all the symptoms of Preacher's Kid Syndrome. My parents also worked hard to make sure I understood their expectations for my behavior and actions. They let me do things like skip Wednesday nights to go to play practice or have Saturday night sleepovers with friends and not go to church the next day. My freedom to choose my involvement increased with my age. Now I have total freedom to choose whether or not I go to church, both at college and at home. But even being removed from my home church, because I attend college in a different state than my home church, there is still pressure. I am still a matador. The difference is I've developed a thicker skin and am more willing to wave a red flag and ignite anger amongst the bulls.
Part of this is that I'm older. I have stronger opinions and I have more knowledge to back them up with. Part of this is that I'm at a different church. I didn't grow up with the people at my new church. They didn't know me as a baby, so it's easier to disagree with them. The patronizing comments are fewer and the actual discussion/debating of opinions is greater. I am still careful with my social media accounts because offense is not my intent, but I am more willing to express controversial opinions.
The message I want to convey here is that Preacher's kids are not trophies that you can place on a pedestal. We make the same mistakes. Sometimes we make even bigger mistakes because we want to "stick-it to the man." We get tired of your unrealistic expectations for our biblical knowledge and Christian actions. We want to have fun like everybody else. We don't want to spend our days watching Billy Graham and attending revivals. We want to go see that new horror movie or attend that rock concert or participate in that play that takes away some of our church time.
We aren't perfect. We don't want to spend every waking minute in the church. When you start verbalizing these expectations, remember that you are talking to children. You are talking to little humans who are easily influenced and upset by your insinuation that we aren't enough.
The truth is that as Christians none of us are enough. None of us is worthy. It doesn't matter you or I go on that mission trip, it won't earn us a ticket into heaven. The only way to get there is by God's grace and mercy. So stop trying to make us your poster children. We're going to snap one day and hit you over the head with the cross we've taken up. Understand that we are children, or youth, or college students. We will act our age because we are that age. Live isn't meant to be lived free of mistakes. It is meant to be lived as a continuum of mistakes, one after another, each offering a chance for reflection and greater understanding. Let us have the freedom to make our own mistakes. Let us have the freedom to become our own person. Don't make us be a matador constantly worried about being gored. Be our Ferdinand. Be a Christian brother or sister who gets to know us for who we are, not who you expect us to be.
* I use the terms preacher and pastor interchangeably. This is simply because I call my dad a Pastor and I call myself a PK (preacher's kid). It's not supposed to be some wider commentary on what we call our ministers. Reverend is fine too. I just used the terms I've grown up with/am most comfortable with.
