Power, I've trembled beneath power, as it gripped my throat as I begged on my knees. Power in his eyes, the feelings of power drove him to belittle, bend, and break me. I was powerless against power. I allowed him to control me, hurt me, I allowed his twisted words to enter my soul and leave marks all over it. Angel, I was his angel. He drew a picture of me once, bent, torn wings, I was shackled to the ground, he made it seem like he was going to free me, his love for me was going to save me from myself. Young, dumb, the need to be loved, appreciated burning within me, I believed him. The power of young love, I adored him, but then it changed, the power of love became war. Battles almost every day, on the days we did not fight, I had to participate in the love he felt that day, at least I thought I had to. Pretend to be happy, worship him, adore him, I had to keep him happy. Scared, beaten down, unsure child, stayed for almost three years. Power can be a frightening thing, until you see that "power" for what it really is. Demented, damaged, evil, manipulative, and yet, at times I felt as though I still loved him. Yet I despised him. The power of abuse, the impact it can leave on someone. I felt vulnerable, cornered, but I learned how to deal with him. I began to understand the tune, and did and said everything right, almost every time. He hated me because I made him feel powerless, but he would love me again and again, when he took my power away to make himself feel stronger. I was fearful of what power could do to someone. I tried to find some amount of strength within myself, tried to not fully give in to his darkness. I was powerful though, I was powerful enough to stay when I was told it could cause others harm if I left. I was protecting others, I knew I was being manipulated, abused, but I decided he would have to leave, I could never leave him. Fear is powerful, uncertainty is powerful. People typically ask why the abused did not leave the abuser, it isn't always that easy. Would you rather see your enemy, or have your back turned? What you fear most lurking in the shadows, doing whatever, whenever. Are they angry with me? Will they hurt the ones I love? Not knowing was harder than knowing. Victims are powerful even if we have fallen to power, shook at its feet and begged for forgiveness. Even if we went back over and over, we are still powerful because we did what we thought was best, despite what we knew would take place against that power. One day though, I woke up and I realized something, he wasn't power, he was weak. He felt powerful because he was hurting me, he felt powerful when he left me in a crying heap. He told me I would never go to college, that I would never amount to anything, he promised to break me to the point of never being able to be fixed, to the point of never feeling powerful. He told me I would never find love, that I was not meant for it. Words are powerful, said enough times, they begin to stick, slowly seeping deeper and deeper into you, becoming more and more permanent, becoming ever present in your mind. For a long time, what he promised was true, or so I believed. I went into a downward spiral, I lost myself. I felt powerless against this dark presence inside of me. I gave up. Power never fully left me, I just thought it did. I am a college student, I am trying to be happy, I am bettering myself every day. I have experienced love, and I have experienced pain since him, but I have never felt weak like I did when I was with him. I know I hold power too. We are not victims we are survivors, and we are powerful.