There’s a kind of exhaustion that you feel in your bones. It’s the kind of tired that has nothing to do with the kind of physical shape you’re in or how long you’ve been awake. It’s draining and soul-sucking and painful – It’s the kind of exhaustion that leaves you empty.
You’ve poured yourself into so many people that there’s nothing left.
Relationships, both platonic and romantic, require work and sacrifice and compromise. It means that they’re built on the concept of give and take; you give parts of yourself and fill them with the parts you receive. It’s equal, and fulfilling, and healthy, and symbiotic. It’s trust and respect and vulnerability. Or at least it’s supposed to be. Finding the balance can be hard and uneven. It can lead to poisonous roots of uncertainty and self-doubt to creep in and bleed a relationship dry.
Because the tricky thing about giving up parts of yourself is that you never know if you’ll get them back.
I can’t speak for relationships, seeing as they aren’t exactly my forte but friendship is universal. Everyone has given too much of themselves to the people they care about. Everyone has experienced toxic friends they didn’t even know were wrapped in caution tape. Everyone has made difficult decisions regarding people they thought they’d have forever. It’s because it’s so easy. It’s easy to give too much of yourself to people. It’s easy because you don’t even realize you’re doing it. You don’t realize that you’ve thrown yourself into the deep end until you’re tired of treading water and you’re miles from shore. You don’t have the energy to swim anymore so you just sink.
I picture my life as a glass half empty. Not in a negative way, but in the sense that I’m not done living. I’m not done filling my glass with new experiences and new people. With every new friendship, every new milestone, every step you pour out some of what’s inside you. You leave little droplets of yourself everywhere you go – you leave pieces of yourself. And soon, if you’re not careful, you’re left with nothing. You’re left empty and dry. Because you’ve been pouring yourself out, but who’s been pouring into you? Who’s been helping fill your glass instead of just emptying it?
Analogies aside, I live by the motto of pouring into those who pour into you.
In the simplest of terms, that means find the people who give as much as they take. Find the people who benefit from you but also need you. Find the people who notice and care about how much of yourself is being poured out and make sure to find ways to refill what you’ve lost.
It’s easy to blame others for the loss, but sometimes the only person you can blame is yourself. It’s okay to be generous with yourself, but it’s imperative to remember to turn off the faucet sometimes. Keep the best parts for ourselves. There is such thing as burning the candle at both ends and overselling. No one can take advantage unless we let them. It’s up to us to figure out how much we give and for how long – we’re in control.
