I started college with the excitement and eagerness of most college students. I had just lost my factory job and was starting new. Yes, I was 21 and a mom, but I figured things would be pretty easy since I enjoyed school. As the semesters went on, I struggled with balancing being a mom and wife, along with a college student. Being a perfectionist, I was driven to tears many nights trying to get every assignment correct. Sometimes I studied when I should have been cuddling with my children. Other times I pushed aside my homework to spend time with my family only to be in tears at midnight trying to memorize the next days assignment. After a few semesters, I needed a break. I took off two semesters and focused on my sons health, and my sanity. I worked as a Preschool Teacher and received classes on Child Development through them. This was a better situation since I could spend more time on my son, but it left me needing more. I needed something just for me, so eventually, I started online classes, plus working. Why I thought that was a good idea I will never know. I felt I could do better with online classes, but by the third week, the tears and stress came back. Now it was work suffering too. Once that semester was over, I took yet another break.
Once things calmed down and I left that job, I went back one more time for one more semester. I thought this time I could finish up and be done, but because I missed the "odd year" classes, I found out I was going to have to wait to move up in my core classes, which would make my graduation date pushed back even further. Instead of graduating in the four years, in all, it was going to take me almost nine. This was a huge discouragement. I had already invested so much financially by commuting 40 minutes almost daily, and so much time. During this last semester of attempting to finish my son received his big diagnosis and I realized that I was done. I no longer could keep up my 3.8 GPA and his needs.
Every semester I think about going back. I think about how I could do it this way, or that way. I even look at the classes I have left in order to get my degree. Then I glance over at my son, and my three daughters and remember nothing is worth giving up time with them. Maybe someday, I will finish my degree that I have accumulated debt for, but not this year. This year I'm going to focus on my children, their health, and my sanity. I postponed college and don't regret it. I have four pretty good reasons not to.
