As I write this article, I have just studied for eight hours straight. Reading summaries, watching movies for a ten-page research paper, compiling a study guide for my toughest final that could determine my placement into a graduate program. This doesn't include the classes I have attended earlier this week, the study sessions, the tests (yes, there have been tests the last week that don't count towards my finals). Extracurricular events. Work study hours. Sleeping and eating have almost become a nuisance rather than a necessity. And all I want to do is throw up from the amount of stress I am under. I know that when this article is posted, most of my finals will be over, most of my papers will be turned in, and I'll be packing up to go home for a month. But what about the enormous weight on my shoulders right now, in this moment?
In this moment, I need to realize: I am my biggest critic. I am the one who doubts myself the most. I always think the worst is going to happen and that makes the work up to that point ridiculously difficult. No one else puts this much pressure on me to ace the final. No one says I can't get into another great graduate school if I don't pass my final with an A+. I need to step back and just let myself be human. Make some mistakes. Have a little fun
But, in this moment, I also need to realize: I am surrounded by some of the kindest, most helpful people I know. My support system, even my professors, are there to help me if I ask. If I need to cry and sit on my floor for a handful of minutes, my friends are there either crying with me or passing me the tissues. When I get up and brush myself off, they are offering to help me come up with ideas for my lesson plan, suggesting ways to make my two 10-page papers a little more manageable. And I am blessed to have professors stop me and tell me that all my hard work is paying off because they believe I will make a wonderful teacher.
"This is great and all, Allie. But what's the point? Are my "wonderful" friends or "inspiring" professors going to grade me easier because I admitted that I'm under a lot of stress? Is that 25-page senior thesis going to write itself?" No, none of these things are going to happen, no matter how hard I've pleaded to Santa Claus to bring me good grades this semester. But admitting that I'm only human makes the 25-page paper less daunting. Allowing yourself to make mistakes makes receiving a B+ less devastating. So my point is: try your hardest, but don't expect the impossible from yourself. As I said, we're only human.
