While some of us are born with an innate sense of self and can demonstrate confidence beyond compare, there are those, like me, who took years to build up confidence and self esteem. In fact, some days or situations are still harder than others. I often play out scenarios in my head when I'm trying to muster up courage to be that confident person. "Go ahead, say it, you're entitled to your opinion", or "Just do it, you won't be embarrassed, have fun". Yeah these are the thoughts before I take action, but it's all that negative self-talk prior that leaves me questioning myself. We all do it, it's normal: "You're not good enough; that's a dumb idea; if you speak up, you'll be a joke". Sounds harsh I know. For some of us though, it can be a constant battle in the mind, kind of like good versus evil or hero versus villain. Sometimes the only way to stop that talk from festering is to build a wall of positive thoughts that build a reflective mechanism, a much less expensive wall than our leader wants between Mexico and the U.S. but worth more in personal value. Create a new internal conversation, a more positive one.

I am far from being a psychologist, but I did study it in college, extensively. Believe it or not, this topic has been studied by many. What I think many of us would like to know is if it ever stops? My own opinion, No. It may first be a matter of understanding of where it stems from. For me, insecurities from childhood, bullying in school, and an abusive marriage created a vicious cycle in my brain that often puts negative thoughts and doubt at the forefront. Factor in my gender, astrological sign (if you believe in that), religious beliefs, and highly analytical personality and you might wonder how I get anything done, talking to myself all day. When I finally reached adulthood, that is my brain was fully developed, I took to discovering my past and how my personality came to be developed. I agreed with many of the "studies" I had researched and read. We are creatures of habit. What do you do when you want to stop a bad habit, in this case negative self-talk? You create a new one.

As a young person, teenager, developing that positive self-talk is a good thing to start young and make it habit. After all, "we become what we repeatedly do according to ." Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens . But, since I'm not a teenager anymore and psychologically speaking, I have a fully developed brain. What do I do now to create a new habit? Make a new one, a more positive one. James Clear followed some studies to determine how long it would take to develop a new habit. According to his research of a study done by Phillippa Lally, a health psychology researcher at University College London, "on average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. It took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit."

Old habits can die hard, but for people like myself who want to make a change, positive talk may be the only way to create self-talk that brings us to at least resemble more confident people. For the last two years, I have used social media as a tool to catapult the self-talk and discipline myself to find, read, spread, and be the positive that I need to hear in my own mind. While negative self-talk might join your dinner party from time to time, we don't need to give it a place at our table. It's not that hard really. In a world where we can be surrounded by negative on the daily, it's easy to fall and spiral into a rabbit hole and become consumed by negative thoughts and feelings. As a "mature" woman now, I do wish I had learned all of this as a teenager, but it's never too late. We are what we speak, we speak what we believe and we become what we continually tell ourselves. If we can't do it for ourselves, let's set an example for our next generation, shall we?