Throughout the years, I've always had mixed feelings about my body and how I feel in my own skin. I would purposely wear dark clothing because of how it's been said that dark clothing is slimming even though, during that time, all I wanted to wear were bright clothes and colorful patterns. But I would restrict myself because I wanted to look as slim as possible in order to look "acceptable" and "presentable". I was never comfortable with being a curvy girl. For a while, it was a struggle just trying to find clothing that, not only brought me comfort, but also made me feel good about myself. And once I realized that I needed to shop in the plus section of stores or shop at places like Torrid or Lane Bryant, I was devastated that I had gained more weight, and worried that I wouldn't find anything at these stores that fit with the current trends. But up until a year ago, a realization hit me; almost like a light switch. I realized that I can still be beautiful no matter what my size is or no matter what I look like. As long as I see how beautiful I am, that's all that matters.
One of my biggest role models who gave me that extra little push towards having more confidence in myself was "plus size" model, Ashley Graham (in article cover photo seen above). If you don't know who she is, let me share some of her success. She has very successfully modeled for Lane Bryant, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, and many other stores and companies. Not to mention the fact she was the first "plus size" model to land the cover of Sports Illustrated and make an appearance for DNCE's music video for their single "Toothbrush". If all of that success just listed wasn't enough, she's also become a body activist and spokesperson for positive body image and an entrepreneur. Graham made an appearance at TEDx Berklee Valencia, and spoke about the tight molds that society wants us to fit into and the "plus size" model industry.
One thing that truly stuck with me when making her speech was when she looked into the full length mirror on stage and said, "Back fat, I see you popping over my bra today, but I'm gonna choose to love you. And cellulite, I'm gonna choose to love even though you've taken over my bottom half, but you're a part of me. I love you." Before watching her speech, I had never looked in the mirror and said I love you especially to those body parts that I had considered to be imperfections. Now, every morning when I wake up I do look into my mirror and say "I love you stretch marks. I love you thick thighs, thick arms, and thick body", because they are part of me. I'm not chubby or fat or plus size. Like Ashley Graham says, I'm my size. And there's nothing wrong with that. A few years back I should have been able to walk outside and feel good about the way I look. And now, I have more confidence then I ever have before. When pictures are being taken at family functions or hang outs, I don't try to hide behind the person next to me any more. I can proudly stand in front of a camera while someone takes a picture of my full length body and not be ashamed of what I see in the picture. Because now I love what I see; no one and nothing will ever change that.
When I walk into clothing stores now, I'm so proud to see sections for girls and women like me because it makes me feel great to walk out of the store every once in a while and know that I found something that fits and feels good. I wear the bright clothes that I never used to wear before. And where at one point I would've listened to those people who told me "Nicole, you should lose some weight, imagine how much prettier you would look", I don't listen to that anymore because like I said, I love me. I am body beautiful!
