Before they were selling out stadiums, releasing summer anthems, and establishing themselves as the rulers of our universe, everybody’s favorite pop diva’s catwalk was the hallways of their high school, and their stages only accommodated around 500. We all have to experience and endure the horror that is high school, but see how the pop divas battle valiantly through the struggles of girl code brutality, incompetent faculty, and worst of all puberty.
1. Adele
Literally the BEST English teacher you would’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting in your entire academic career. She had Gatsby, and Catcher in the Rye, and even the Harry Potters. Also this dignified and magisterial scholar sung slayed the national anthem before every basketball game of her school. Sadly, Adele did have to leave her beloved students for some childbearing, but when she returned to her desk for a brief Hello, her students attacked this queen with love.
2. Ariana Grande
Poor Ari failed her speech team auditions, and didn’t make the team, all due to her lack of articulation. (i.e. “ Like a deli sea lion babe, on the highway to hell, yeah” - Break Free). Disgruntled the young, crimson-haired songstress decided to audition for her spring musical: Cats. (Get it. Because Ariana Grande. And Cat. On Victori- No? -Ok. ) Grande as Grizabella belted the bridgeof “Memory”, dressed in fur, and received a standing ovation as high as her ponytail. Slay.
3. Beyoncé
Regina George… but nice. Everyone knew her. Everyone loved her.
QUEEN.
4. Britney Spears
Although most of her colleagues thought that Brit was somewhat lacking in the brain department, she was actually brilliant on certain topics. For this reason, Ms. Spears taught an AP level science class specializing in giant snakes and toxicity. Additionally, Britney started her high school’s first ever feminist-based club, marketing on the campaign, “ Pretty girls, learn how to get rid of those toxic womanizers in your life!”
5. Katy Perry
The yearbook was plastered with her face as Katy won the senior superlatives of, “ Best Hair, Most Likely to Earn a Million by 30, and Coolest Pants.” Her biggest passion was playing second trombone for her high school’s boisterous marching band. She prided herself in going vegan for 3 whole days just like all the other “California Gurls.” And, she closed out her junior year by gaining some bad blood with Tay Swift over her devilishly handsome and guitar-wielding wide-receiver, John Mayer.
6. Lady Gaga
She founded the Gay-Straight Alliance at her high school and solidified her formal title of “queen of the gays” by her sophomore year. Additionally, the Lady broke the dress code 2-3 times a week due to her innate refusal to wear pants. The leather, spikes and edible dresses that fluttered through Gaga’s hallways scared many of her peers, but in a spicy and jazzy little number during her senior talent show, all of her classmates realized…
GAGS GOT PIPES.
7. Madonna
Madonna valiantly served as her high school’s favorite guidance counselor, before gyrating her way into the pop icon status she is known for today. She had the whole school wondering, “Oh, she is still here?”, after years and years of working at her craft. The material girl was also honored with the title of, “ Most Scandals in One Teaching Career” by her entire school board! Congrats!
8. Rihanna
The type of girl that when you saw her in the hallway you deviate your eye contact SO FAST because it obvious that you are her inferior. She was her senior class treasurer, (bitch better have her money) and her graduation speech was KILLER. Also, RiRi was a quad-state champ in debate with her wicked public forum case on the legalization of marijuana, and her facts were undeniably lit.
9. Taylor Swift
As a freshie, t-swizzle was a sheepish, young lass and an avid participant in her school’s bluegrass band. But, during her junioryear, while perusing the aisle of Sephora, Tay Tay discovered red lipstick. The following day, she immediately became a varsity cheerleader. By the end of senior year she was crowned homecoming queen runner-up (to Beyoncé of course), and she was eventually rumored to have dated every jock on the football team. But we all know how she handled those haters!
