I Pooped At Trump Tower And It Was A Yuge Disappointment | The Odyssey Online
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I Pooped At Trump Tower And It Was A Yuge Disappointment

I bombed the hell out of the toilet. I love the Ceramics!

 Jon Schwoerer
Jul 17, 2017
Hunter College
115
I Pooped At Trump Tower And It Was A Yuge Disappointment
Jonathan Schwoerer

Last Saturday, I pooped at Trump Tower.

I visited Trump Tower because I had nothing else better to do. It was a Saturday afternoon, and I had no other plans.

Also, Trump is our President. Why not visit a building that bears his namesake?

Trump Tower is a terrible building. It is really gaudy and gross. Trump Tower is so bad that it is actually embarrassing. Its architecture is obviously designed to be imposing and to impress, but it ends up just being a parody of itself. Sad! The only people who think Trump Tower is fancy are people who think Olive Garden is real Italian food and like eating Hickory Farms sausages every Christmas. Imagine Grand Central, except terrible and perpetually stuck in the 1980s. That's Trump Tower.

As I walked past security and entered Trump Tower's main lobby, an urge suddenly came upon me. The urge to poop. I hadn't pooped all day, so it made sense that I needed to poop at that very moment. Following Trump Tower's faux-gold-plated signage, I rode the escalator (the same escalator Trump rode on when he first announced his Presidential bid back in 2015!!!) down to the bottom floor and made my way to the men's room. I was excited: I was about to poop in a building that bears the nam

The toilets at Trump Tower are not gold, which was a yuge disappointment. The bathrooms at Trump Tower are just average. Not yuge or beautiful in any way. I pooped, washed my hands (of course), and then made my way to the gift shop.

Trump Tower's gift shop sells lots of Trump-themed memorabilia. Trump hats, T-shirts, beer coasters, bottle openers, mugs, pins – you name it, they had it. The Trump gift shop also sells books written by the man himself (and ghostwritten by someone else)! Oddly enough, the gift shop even displays copies of the failing New York Times. One item, though, stood out in particular:

Mommy has such a yuge rack! Beautiful! Perfect to suck at! 8 out of 10!

Besides pooping at Trump Tower and terrible baby clothing, nothing else of interest exists at Trump Tower. Just lots of stupid, fat white people. Indeed, if I stayed there any longer, I would've ended up projectile vomiting into one of Trump Tower's not-golden toilets. So I left.

Do not go to Trump Tower. The end.

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