I’d like to think that everyone has a “poop…or chocolate?” moment at some point in their life, but maybe not. Maybe that’s only a scene in a comedy you watch on a Saturday night. Not me though. A few months back, I lived the movie.
My girlfriend, Taylor, and I had a Pocket Beagle, Cali, and she was the feistiest, craziest, most rambunctious, sweetest, cuddliest adventure we’ve had in the nearly three years we’ve been together. She always kept us on our toes.
This particular Saturday night, I come home after a long day at the office and Cali is full of energy and excitement. I say hello to our crazy little fur ball of joy and I can tell tonight is going to be a night. You know, one of those nights that you can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness before you even though there’s a part of you that just wants to explode because, not only was it a long day at the office, but it’s been a long week in general.
Taylor and I move through our regular routine; I play with Cali until she’s ready for a break, the dogs eat dinner, we cook dinner for ourselves, sit down and eat, chit chat for a while, take the dogs outside for a bit, clean up dinner, and wind down. About two hours later, we’re starting to change into our PJs and we’re deciding if we’re going to watch a movie if so, which one, blah blah blah. We decide we need some time to ourselves and Cali isn’t as worn out from playing as I thought she’d be. Instead, she is running circles around our bedroom, leaping onto the bed and bringing us her toys to play fetch. We decide that we’re going to let her roam the house with the other two dogs in hopes that she’ll burn some energy. We tell her to go play with the other dogs and close our door. Now mind you, Cali is a year and half old and is well trained (though from my previous statement you probably don’t believe it) so we don’t think twice about the fact that she may get into mischief. The dogs have food, water, bones, and toys as well as access to the couch. We proceed with our evening.
***Fast forward through time***
A while later, I begin to feel more dehydrated than a fish out of water so Taylor and I get up to make our way towards the kitchen. As soon as I open the door, I smell the odor of a bad dog. I make a bee-line for the restroom briefly while Taylor turns off the TV and lights in our room. She begins to walk towards the kitchen as I am turning the hall light on. Now at this point the kitchen lights are still off so she’s wandering through the darkness towards the back door to let the dogs outside for another potty break. I start sniffing for the bad dog odor and find a pile of shit and piss in the office so I bellow down the hallway that one of the dogs was a bad dog. I realize immediately this had been Cali’s doing; the other two dogs are full grown Pit Bulls and Cali is a Pocket Beagle - there’s a distinguishing difference. Taylor heads back towards the kitchen after letting the dogs outside and she finally flips on the kitchen light. The next thing I know she’s shouting, “BAAABE!!!!”. I head into the kitchen in a hurry to find her standing in front of the kitchen table. She turns and looks at me as I approach her and then points at the table and asks, “What. Is. That?”. I look down at the center of the table and to my horror I see none other than one single piece of dog shit smack-dab, right in the center of the kitchen table.
In this moment a few thoughts run through my mind. The first; I am going to kill my dog tonight. Dead. She’s going to die. The next; this cannot be real. This a sick joke that someone is playing on us. The third; my dog cannot possibly be this foolish, malicious, disgusting, or brilliant. My final lingering thought was uncontrollable amusement.
I realize that this is absolutely disgusting. I know that. And to say that Cali was in trouble is an understatement. However; when you think about the genius of her act it really is quite amazing. Our dog was upset. She was pissed off that we kicked her out of our room and wouldn't play with her. In spite of us, she not only intentionally pissed and shit in the office, which is directly across from our room, but she makes sure to save a log, jump on top of the kitchen table and place ONE SINGLE LOG in the dead center without making an audible peep loud enough for us to suspect a thing. Everything about this was malicious, intentional, and I can’t help but feel that it was incredibly thought out.
When we let her back inside, she tried to run past us and her guilt was evident immediately as her tail fell between her legs and her ears tucked back. We yelled at her, stuck her nose in her mess, she received a smack on the butt from me, and then went into her cage for the evening. After Taylor and I cleaned up the mess and rid the table of the contaminated table-cloth we laughed harder than I think either of us has ever laughed. The pure ridiculousness of the night’s events was just too much to contain. We were furious with Cali, but at the end of the day it truly is one of our most memorable moments with her.
In loving memory of our sweet baby, Cali.
Cali, Mommy and Daddy miss you every day and we love you always!
